39 Angry People

You cough on me, I'm'a cough right back on you, man!

[Spanish teacher on a rant] If you act like a two-year-old, you will get a two-year-old paycheck which is an F.

[guy looking at something- a camera, I think- with his friend] ...this is the one who said she liked my dad; this is the one...

[after gym class] I feel like an old man.

Price of dog:$38. Its ability to eat lightbulbs: Priceless.

So I'm guessing you won't be wanting this peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

I swear, if her mom wasn't like my best friend, I wouldn't be friends with her!

Every time I go to [town name], I run over a rabbit... I go over a bump and I'm like (makes sad face).

Katelyn, that was you laughing? I thought that was a dog barking!

Exasperated Boy, observing two people horsing around loudly: Can you kill each other in silence? Can you turn it down to foghorn level?!
One of the two girls horsing around: You don't have to yell!

Peppy Girl: I'm really stoked!
Girl happening to walk by: Should I go get my fleece?
GHTWB's friend: Yeah.
GHTWB: Yeah, let's go.

Yo, every day we come in with a different story!

Are you going to get a tattoo when you're older?

Regain control of your limbs, man!

Wait, your little dog or your big one?
The little one.
Wait, the little one? But your little one's like this big! {holds fingers apart about three inches} How could it possibly eat a light bulb?

37 Terracotta Bananas

[NOTE: These bites are placed together in chronological order from one bus ride. The same colors in different sound bites indicate that the same person is talking. As usual, different fonts indicate a different conversation. Enjoy! :)]

Someone stole my phone again, but this time I don't know how.

You can't hang up!
Yes I can, it's your phone!

Actually, I don't like rain at all. I got mentally scarred by rain.
How?
Girl Scout camp. [I] had to walk a mile in the downpour. By the time we got back to the bus, we were like swimming in a lake.

It's funny, each song sounds the same, but they have a different style.

I like this song because it's so stupid. (starts singing) BA na na BA na na TER RA COT TA BA na na BA na na!

I wonder if he's going to rise up from his grave.

36 Unwanted Llamas

Oh, no! It ain't the cheesy kind, is it?

Guy in high school lobby: Make way for the king, ladies and gentlemen! And I don't mean me, I mean Chuck Norris!

Yo, I just got a big bag of Mentos. I'm unstoppable!... pretty much. For now.

[hysterical laughter throughout] How do you tap-dance and feed a llama at the same time? [later] How do you tell a llama you don't like him anymore? "I don't like llamas anymore!" [hysterical shrieks]

[Two girls discussing a school project]
1: You can't take care of a baby! You can't even take care of yourself!
2: That's mean! That's mean!
1: No, it's not!
2: I could too!
1: [skeptically] Okay...

Person 1: It's my favorite book cover in the world!
Person 2: Obviously you have no life if you have a favorite book cover.
Person 1: You can write on it!

Why, what color is your house?
I don't know, everyone says it's brown but I think it's blue.

Kid, pointing to confetti: Mom, look! A napkin! Mom, look! A napkin!
Mom: Oh my gravy!

35 Little Girls Running

i know havent been on lately
but i still love the creators of this blog.

yesterday a little girl was running around the christmas tree shop with a whisk screaming "FREE ENGLAND!"

it was amazing.

34th of November

Dude shouting at other dude, eventually getting his attention: Hammer! Hammer! Hammer! Bring your guitar!

If they had cameras in there, I would've been arrested a long time ago.

Guy 1: Dude! I haven't seen you in like friggin' forever!
Guy 2: I was just saying that!
Guy 1: I love you, man.
Guy 2: Is that a new haircut?
Guy 1: Yeah.
Guy 2: Looks fresh.

33, ya know what I'm sayin'?

Girl muttering angrily to her friend: [Her own high school's name], Home of the FAKES.

I think I'll just stay here. For the rest of the day, forever.

They can't kick you out the day of the play!

She called me her lamb chop.

..."So you knew about it?" and I was like, "Yeah," and he was like, "Why didn't you tell me? I saw you today," and I was like, "I dunno!"

Miss, I just don't like hair.

32 Disney Animals

Girl 1: *showing friend baby picture*
Girl 2: You know what you look like in this picture?
Girl 1: What?
Girl 2: You look like the green M&M.

*Laughter*

Boy 1: *patronizingly* No, {name}, that's what you don't say.
Girl 2: *in her best comeback mode* No, that's what you don't say.

[somewhat later, maybe half a minute, more or less]

Girl 3: ...and I was dancing around the room *demonstrates* cleaning the dish.
Girl 2: Like Cinderella?

*General laughs*

Girl 3: *singing, albeit somewhat badly* Cin-der-elly, Cin-der-elly!
Girl 2: *sounding a bit personally offended* Why in every fairytale do they decide to clean and there's always a song going on, you know?

*General assent*

Girl 2: Like in Snow White, when she starts cleaning there be mad animals popping out, right?

*Nods, laughter*

Thirty One

Do I look stupid?
Yeah, but so do a lot of people.

Girl: So why are you and him best friends?
Guy: Because we both share an incredible amount of historical knowledge.

What did you buy?
Em-pe-nad-as.

30 Jack-O-Lanters

I hate really smart people.

Oh, God. If I forgot it I will personally hurt myself.

Mrs. [Teacher] put two Tootsie Rolls on everybody's desk. I got there before everyone and grabbed them all!

...At the end he got sprayed with this poisonous gas by the aliens...

Man in NASCAR jacket: She did meticulous work on this car- [pronounced "cahh"]
Woman: [interrupting] My God, you should see the car! [pronounced "cahh"]

Leap Year: February Days

...find something random to do that's off topic.

It's not going to work. We're not doctors.

No, we're meeting at the college!

They had her on some sort of experimental medication. It detached the cartilage from her nose...

1st voice: Hey you! You with the hair!
[Silence.]
1st voice: Hey you with the hair!
2nd voice: [giggles] I know, right? That's a real good description. Everybody has hair!
1st voice: Hey Steven!

[teacher talking to himself] You're out of the loop, that's all.

[noise of disgust] I shoulda dumped it on her head!

...type in "meat" and turn to page 5. [Pause.] Hey, why's everybody [looking at me]?

I still can't believe you guys hid in my room, out of all places in my house.

All your blood goes to your stomach, which raises your blood pressure.

Days in February

You're dumb but gifted.

You ask the dumbest questions alive.

Make sure it's hot, 'cause I can't eat nothin' cold.

I refuse to get braces. I already had all my teeth fall out.

I hate the smell of refridgerated food. It's like... ew, cold food!

Tventy Svens

...after that random moment...

[girl reading note out loud] Who would you rather go out with: me, the guy behind you, me, or the guy behind me? P.S. Just asking.

I'm never going to ask that question again.

Yo, I had a dream that I didn't have no nails.

Twenty-Six Steakhouses

Boy 1: I'm not going to put up with this tolerance!
Boy 2: Oh, yeah?
Boy 3: Wow. You're not going to put up with this tolerance, huh? That makes a lot of sense.
Boy 1: Shut up, I bet you can't even SPELL tolerance.

{later}

Boy 2: T-O-L-E-
Boy 1: I swear it has two Ls.
Boy 3: I swear you should be quiet.

{sometime later}

Boy 3: The last time I went to American Steakhouse was about three weeks ago.
Boy 1: Oh yeah, and there's Chuck's Steakhouse.
Boy 3: Chopsticks?
Boy 2: Shut up, [name].
Boy 4: Yeah, and there's that other steakhouse...
Boy 2: Yeah, what's it called?
Boy 1: Backyard Steakhouse?
Boy 2: It's OUTBACK steakhouse, you idiot! Not Backyard Steakhouse!
Boy 1: (embarrassed) Shut up!

{and later...}

Boy 3: There's like ten clubs in that bag, we should jump out and steal it!
Boy 2: Is that a lawnmower?
Boy 4: Maybe...
Boy 2: That's not a lawn mower!
Boy 3: That's an AWESOME lawn mower!

{even later still, during a lengthy discussion about Godzilla and whether or not he lays eggs...}

Boy 3: Why would Godzilla attack New York? He's a Chinese idol.

Thanks for the entertainment, Boys 1-4 (sorry we didn't catch everything you said, 4).

Five Times Five is 25

[in math class]
''Hey look what my calculator does. When I press 169:2 it says ''13'' '
*confused*
''Well, maybe it is 13''

...I had 1 more to post but my brother came into the room and I forgot it ...
Oh, well:]

24 (not the show)

I always miss stuff-

Girl 1: Are you coming to the party tonight?
Girl 2: (finishes laughing with another friend) I don't know- I have physical therapy.
Girl 1: Why?
Girl 2: (slightly annoyed) I'm depressed, can't you tell? (Goes back to laughing with friend).

Why would you laugh at a picture?

It smells like mothballs in here!... It smells like mothballs and ham!

I'm so sorry, I forgot the pudding!
Whatever.

(Credit to Lena for the second sound bite!)

23 (Not the movie with Jim Carrey)

I voted you best smile if it makes you feel any better.

I kind of kicked it closer to where it was supposed to be.

I've never been there. I bought a free membership, but I've never been there.

He's so adorable!

...the biggest chin in the world!

I stole that girl's mirror. I feel special.

Twenty-Two

Before we show you any more hilarious stuff we've overheard, I would just like to thank everybody for visiting. It's really exciting to get hits from all over the world, and people have left some really nice comments about the blog. Chances are, if I found it funny, you will too, so leave a comment and tell me what you thought was funny.

Well, enough of my yapping. On with the show! ~Maria

i wish i was cheese munchies. i want to see if people would go for me.

They know I'll protect them from the evil ducks of the universe.

[Italicized swear word] Richard Nixon!

Trix Yogurt exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point FISH exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point.

21 (BLACKJACK!)

Ha... you smell like bacon.
Ha... you smell like cheese.

It's a boy... wearing pink... in the sunshine... and he's emo?!

Why'd you take my crackers?! You buggin'! There's like ten minutes left and you're gonna take my crackers? I stopped eating them when you told me to.
Put them away.
This is away- where the [heck] you want me to put them- in my bag where they're all gonna fall out?!

20/20 Vision

Do you think this looks good?
That looks so flattering, I can't even begin to tell you!

You just have to watch what you're saying around her...
{Pause while person on the other end is talking}
She'll be nice in your face, but don't tell her something that you don't want everyone to know.

He's getting really creepy...
{Pause}
I just want to be friends with him. I don't want to be more than friends with any of those characters!

Girl: They were like the cutest shoes I had ever seen in my entire LIFE! But when I tried them on, they were like two sizes too small. And that was the only size they had!
Friend: *makes sympathetic moaning noises* Don't you hate when they have the wrong sizes?
Girl: Yeah, it's so hard to find things sometimes!

Peppy Girl 1: Guess what happened to me this morning?
Peppy Girl 2: What?
PG1: I tripped down the staircase!
PG2: (runs over to hug PG1) I'm so proud of you!

Boy in Math Class: *hits head on TV* OW! Someone should really turn that off.

Woman, to friend: I almost got into a fight with someone in the parking lot!
Passerby, muttering under their breath: Good for you.

I was in a game and I got in trouble for not putting in my mouthguard. I got yelled at.
Who yelled at you?
The lady!
*blank stare*
You know, the lady in the yellow shirt.
The ref?
Oh yeah, the ref!

Aah, I see a victory!

You took my "Happy Wednesday" paper!

Teacher: [Girl's name]. Stop. That's disgusting.
Girl: But we're talking about toes!
Teacher: You have a foot fetish.
Girl: [Boy name] has a foot fetish.
Girl 2: I love feet...

Next year {for Halloween}, I'm gonna be something from Greek mythology.

But we always party on Fridays!

He has the same facial expression every time I see him.

Old school Power Rangers! Now THAT'S the {stuff} right there!
Yeah, none of this new {stuff}!

Yes, I was born in {area of China}, and my son was born here.
*shocked* Mom, I thought you said I was born in New Jersey!

Do you do restaurants?
No, I'll do a movie or a play, but I don't eat. When I eat a lot, I want to go to sleep. And we all have reputations to maintain!

Sour cream is sogood!
(Yes, dear reader, I intened for that to be one word.)

But I don't WAnna die!
(Note: When reading this out loud, you must make your voice high, squeaky, and cracked on the word wanna.)

I lived in the same apartment building as John Lennon and Yoko Ono, for the same amount of years, by the way, and I was fortunate enough to share a wall with John Lennon. One of the walls in my apartment was the back wall of his music studio, and I used to hear this: *opening chords of "Imagine"*

19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19

Why are they building so many banks around here? It's not like anyone has any more money.

...and I hid behind his desk and jumped out and I said "they're after my gnome!"

Get out of my hallway!
It's not your hallway.
This is my hallway, you're just passing through.

She said you could do it that way, and yet-

It's not polite to punch or hit your guests.

Eighteen is not spelled Eightteen.

It's easier if you know your colors!

...that yo-yo I stole?

Hey Austin, [NAME] might switch into our Australian class.
Note: This one struck me as funny because I didn't even know our high school had an Australian class. Weird. -Maria

[Girl 1] She acts like Batman at practice.
[Girl 2] Really?
[Girl 1] Yeah, she does this. (Stretches out arms)

...Jessica, over there by the Snapple machine.
Wait, what? Jesus? Did you say Jesus?
[laughter]
Oh yeah, sure. "I saw Jesus." "Where?" "By the Snapple machine."
...Jesus loves Snapple.

Seventeen is a magazine...

...it was a loofah dog...

Welcome to the (Festival)!
How dare you attack me!

I think if I have to say one more time that this jewelery is made out of wood I'm going to-

Seize (the French number 16, people!)

Did you have Mrs. [name deleted]? I'm supposed to go up to random people and ask what they thought of her (for homework).
She's the best teacher in the school. Like, when people do bad in her class, they come back and apologize.
Wow.
Yeah, it's that kind of class. She's literally like the best teacher in the school. {more of conversation, to the effect of "she's really nice"} If you fail her class, you're a loser.
{Sometime later} I'm just in band for the competitions.
Oh, so you like beating people?
(nodding) Basically.

[Random Boy at Back of School Bus] Party at my house on Tuesday!
[Bus Driver] Party on Tuesday?
[Boy]: Everybody parties on Tuesday!

[boy 1] I had a dream about you last night.
[boy 2] Ew, why did you have a dream about him?
[teacher] Why don't you draw me a picture of it?
{Later into study hall}
[boy 1] Mr. [name deleted], I drew the picture.
{General laughing, sighing, groaning, etc.}
[boy 1] I'm the one with the muscles, and you're the one with the bald head.
[teacher] Why are you wearing a skirt?
[boy 2 and company] AH HA HA HA HA HA!
[boy 1] No, it's SHORTS! I just messed up-
[teacher] Oh, it's a skort.

It appears that whatever we wish for will come true!

Spanish Sweet Fifteen

"I love them because I give them as Christmas presents to my family."
(My Spanish teacher discussing cell phone/iPod confiscation.)

Quattordechi!

Her name is Sushi Mango.
Why would you name a cat Sushi Mango?
Where did you get it?
I got it at Wal-Mart, I just had to get it.

All my life I've eaten the frosting last, and look- I'm still doing it! [Pause.] This is really good cake!
I know, it is!
Yeah, it's really good cake! Where did they get it?

You know what the great thing about this one is? You can see what's inside of it. But the black one looks cool. It's your choice.

Kate! Kate! Come here! Kate? Kate!

His name is now Rabbit.
Why is he Rabbit? I don't get it.
Well, he kind of looks like a rabbit.
Oh yeah, he kind of does!
Also, when Dave tried to hand him a piece of paper, he tried to hold it in his mouth.
One nickname down, a hundred to go.

Lucky thirteen!

she: We could go in the pool.
he: Yeah, but I'll have to change up first. I have my boxers on under these.

mom to kid: If you don't eat your bagel, you can't have any tofu.

1+2=12 (but 2+2=FISH)

You have lizards?! Oh my god, I always wanted lizards but my mom...

[Stranger, to Random Lady] That was really fun!
[Me, adding my two cents] This is my favorite ride in the whole park!
[Random Lady] Really?

[harried-looking dad]Well, what do you want to do? It's your birthday.
[preteen birthday girl]*nasal whine* I don't keeyare!

My lord, it's like the size of a tarmac!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!!!!
Wooooooooooooohoooooooooooooo!!!!
AAAAAAAHHHH!!
Whoa!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!
Hahahahaha...

Hey, there's another bathroom at the bottom of this hill, if you don't want to wait in line.
Oh, there is?
Yeah, follow me.

Mean yet funny guy at the supermarket [Hanyo}

"This is an A and B conversation, C your way out."

"You have a big head."

"I'm proud of your mom. if i lived with you i would put you up for adoption."

"if i was your mom i would have dropped you."

over heard at a dunkin donuts counter!

Dieci!

Alexander should come with me. Hey, Alexander! Come here!

Why do we have to go to Willie's?
(sorry if we spelled your name wrong, Willie.)

*splash* Ew, look, this water is dirty! It has, like, fish poop in it!
Ew! Spiders in the water!!!
EW!!! SPIDERS!!!
For the record, they were water bugs, not spiders. And those boys should have realized that when you go ANYwhere near them, the bugs go away. Sissies... :D

Luke, you suck! You're like the worst basketball player I've ever seen!
*chanting in the background* Digdigdigdigdigdigdigdig!!!

Did you get the jackpot?
No, she did.
*words to the effect of "I've never gotten the jackpot before!*

We heard a LOT of funny sound bites on our vacation, but my personal number 1 most favorite is the following:

DRAG QUEEN: *beeps* I can't stop now! *zoom of a Vespa*

(Pause.)

RANDOM TOURIST LADY: I almost got hit by a drag queen!

I thought that would be a good bumper sticker: I got hit by a drag queen on a Vespa in P-town, Mass.

Number Nine *John Lennon's voice echoes...*

Angelface...[NAME]... looked like a munchkin!
[Laughter]

[Beep beep] WAKE UP!

*British accent* It makes a delicious mixture.
*American accent* Wait, where's the chocolate?
*British accent* Oh, it's already mixed in.

I heard the first one walking into a CVS, the second one while waiting at a red light, and the third one at a really good cafe.

OCHO!

"Are You going to charge me or let me pass the magic rainbow village?"

heard this one in a parking lot in canada.

Number Seven

My mom and Savannah's mom are like the exact same person.

Does it look like blood?
Well, if it doesn't look like it, you could just pretend that it does.
Are we using your credit card?

Number Six

Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said: "one can't believe impossible things."

"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."


Oh, I think I can see my house from up here.

Now, with the truth of his past revealed to him, Thor must struggle with not only his destiny, but also his detention.

What do you think this is, wood shop?

Number Five

McCain, we have so many things the same
I walk with a cane, you have cain in your name.

If you have superpowers, why are you taking the elevator?
My superpowers only come out at night.
Oh, really?
Yeah, They're nocturnal.

Yeah, we're twins.
What kind?
Well, we could either be identical or nocturnal.

Number Four

{Orange light from a digital camera is seen on a girl's arm before a photo is taken.]

"OhMyGod! OhMyGod! I'm going to die! SOMEONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!" [Screams and runs a few feet away behind a tree]

[walks over to the tree] "What are you talking about?!!?"

" I was almost killed by a orange laser!!!!!! I saw my life flash before my eyes!"

[Laughter]
"That was the camera. It means the flash was on and it detects a person."

"Oh." [goes and hits camera person]
"You scared the sugar crispies out of me!"

[Laughter] "Sorry 'bout that."

Number Three

"I don't think the Wicked Witch of the West rode a Harley Davidson!" [Laughter]

Number Two

Oh my god what’s wrong with you?!
Exorcism no comments yet
What?
I have this weird friend who posts stuff on her blog.
Yeah this is the exactly the kind of stuff I’m looking for!
[laughter]
It’s a dream it’s about this cat who like wants to commit suicide or something and like… it’s like the exorcism, and she’s like “I hope I never go to sleep sad again” it’s like wicked weird!

I was going to print it out yesterday but we had that, like… duff come
Yeah. Each breath I take… I think you want to say “feels”
Oh, what did I…?
“Feel”

He looks like a Chia pet!
[laughter]
It's true!

Number One

Just so you know, the first sound bite is a fictionalized account of something that allegedly happened. The rest is pretty much directly what happened. -Maria

Sound Bites

He examined me through the Froot Loop, his left eye squinting slightly as he watched with his right, yakking about putting gasoline in a boat the whole time. I didn’t, like, really get it or whatever, and it was totally weird that he was using the Froot Loop as a telescope, I mean, wtf is that all about? I don’t have a freakin’ boat, so I don’t need to freakin’ know how to freakin’ change freakin’ gasoline in a freakin’ boat!

Basically, I post everything "it" -- fashion, makeup, beauty, clothes, stores, books, celebrity gossip, TV, music ... etc. I am proud to have a mindless pop culture blog -- no haters please!

“Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye!” I wish they would pipe down a bit, as they are trying my patience. Why do they find the need to foul the air with their off-key voices?

Aw… that sounds like a Disney movie!

That’s scary but I think that at the end you should reveal what you are talking about… just a thought. :)

This time around you/ Hit a goose on the butt/ And made a par

Hehe, nice imagery. But the poor goose! :) Lol!

“How to Hug a Baby? What’s that?”
“Oh, it’s funny.”
“Squirrel Management Technique?”
“Oh, this is really funny.”

dont take it the wrong way i dont cut myself or anything i just really like the metaphor

“’Star Wars Galaxies- Chapter 6: Masters of the Wild’?”
“I don’t even know why I have that.”
“Aww, that’s a cute one. I hope they know their dog is mauling their child.”
“It’s hugging the baby, obviously!”

“Any time you have more questions, feel free to ask.”
“Okay, I’ll do that.”

“No, you’re not getting the picture one now that I finally got one!” [laughter]
“Omigod, what the heck?”
“Hi, Mackenzie.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Are you even doing anything?”
“Not really…”
“Mackensie?”
“Well, I don’t know how to spell her name!”
“We go together… wait, what?”
“I’m like so bored.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, headphones off, clean the peanut butter out of your ears, eyes up here.”

“Wow, that’s funny.”
I know… :)

“No, Parker, why do you want that? They cost like fifteen dollars!”