Saturday, September 22, 2007

20/20 Vision

Do you think this looks good?
That looks so flattering, I can't even begin to tell you!

You just have to watch what you're saying around her...
{Pause while person on the other end is talking}
She'll be nice in your face, but don't tell her something that you don't want everyone to know.

He's getting really creepy...
{Pause}
I just want to be friends with him. I don't want to be more than friends with any of those characters!

Girl: They were like the cutest shoes I had ever seen in my entire LIFE! But when I tried them on, they were like two sizes too small. And that was the only size they had!
Friend: *makes sympathetic moaning noises* Don't you hate when they have the wrong sizes?
Girl: Yeah, it's so hard to find things sometimes!

Peppy Girl 1: Guess what happened to me this morning?
Peppy Girl 2: What?
PG1: I tripped down the staircase!
PG2: (runs over to hug PG1) I'm so proud of you!


Boy in Math Class: *hits head on TV* OW! Someone should really turn that off.

Woman, to friend: I almost got into a fight with someone in the parking lot!
Passerby, muttering under their breath: Good for you.

I was in a game and I got in trouble for not putting in my mouthguard. I got yelled at.
Who yelled at you?
The lady!
*blank stare*
You know, the lady in the yellow shirt.
The ref?
Oh yeah, the ref!

Aah, I see a victory!

You took my "Happy Wednesday" paper!

Teacher: [Girl's name]. Stop. That's disgusting.
Girl: But we're talking about toes!
Teacher: You have a foot fetish.
Girl: [Boy name] has a foot fetish.
Girl 2: I love feet...

Next year {for Halloween}, I'm gonna be something from Greek mythology.

But we always party on Fridays!

He has the same facial expression every time I see him.

Old school Power Rangers! Now THAT'S the {stuff} right there!
Yeah, none of this new {stuff}!

Yes, I was born in {area of China}, and my son was born here.
*shocked* Mom, I thought you said I was born in New Jersey!


Do you do restaurants?

No, I'll do a movie or a play, but I don't eat. When I eat a lot, I want to go to sleep. And we all have reputations to maintain!

Sour cream is sogood!
(Yes, dear reader, I intened for that to be one word.)

But I don't WAnna die!
(Note: When reading this out loud, you must make your voice high, squeaky, and cracked on the word wanna.)


I lived in the same apartment building as John Lennon and Yoko Ono, for the same amount of years, by the way, and I was fortunate enough to share a wall with John Lennon. One of the walls in my apartment was the back wall of his music studio, and I used to hear this: *opening chords of "Imagine"*

3 comments:

Gina said...

By the way, the sound bite about John Lennon was from Roberta Flack ("Killing Me Softly"), who I saw in concert recently. :D What an amazing woman...

xoxo Lena said...

omg i love soundbites (and u guys) more and more everyday:) STAY AWESOME:]
so here the cracker story from spanish:
(sub takes away coleens crackers)
''Hey, mister i wasnt even eatin them''
''i asked u to stop and put them away. You didn't do as i asked''
''but isnt away and on the desk the same since I WASNT EVEN EATING THEM ! I want them back! Its not fair you're tryin to play me Mr. Last time u almost took my bookbag!''
(sub calmly hands her a pass to the office . she takes it , and, really annoyed turns around and says)
''Ill be back, you'll see!''

it doesnt sound so funny when u read it:( but im sure u can fix that. cant wait 4 the next post

Maria said...

The thing about China vs. New Jersey occurred in a now-defunct Chinese restaurant. I miss that place.... One time when my sister wore a party hat there (she was like 7 years old, I think?) the staff brought out a little cupcake with a candle stuck in it or a fruit platter or something and sang happy birthday. That was really sweet. But it wasn't even her birthday!