58th Anniversary of Friendship

It makes me sick. And I don't like being sick.

I like hangin' out with good people once in a while. I'm always hangin' around with knuckleheads!

Girl, discussing life: I don't care how it began; I don't plan to be here when it ends!

Guy: Throwing a kitten never felt so good!

Girl 1: ...and then we have to go out to dinner because it's our first anniversary of friendship.
Girl 2: [inaudible insult]
Boy: ...I was about to say that, but I'm being polite today.
[later]
Boy: So, if it's your second anniversary of friendship you have to make two cupcakes, and if it's your third anniversary of friendship, you need to make two cupcakes, a cookie, and another cupcake?

51 Persperating Spider Monkeys

I'm sweating like a spider monkey over here. [pauses] That made no sense at all, but whatever.

1: Wait, how were people formed?
2: I dunno, from bacteria or something.
1: Ew.
2: [laughs]
1: I just know the Bible version.
2: Yeah, me too.

He did these magic tricks and [stuff], you know, in public.

I share a gym locker with [Girl's Name] and when I got there this morning my clothes were folded.

Gold Anniversary- 50 Posts! That's Freakin' Expensive!

Teacher 1: Are you making fun of vertically challenged people?
Obese Teacher: I'm horizontally challenged!

Girl with camera: I think I'm gonna die. It's showing up in like all my pictures today.

See, I didn't have that liberty, so...

Guy 1: [to Guy 2] You most certainly are a frog.

Girl: [to Guy 2] You're a lady?

Guy 2: I'm a frog lady!

The notes he wants us to take are so bogus it's stupid.

Lemme think, fridge, Sarah... is that right?

No, he gave me a sandwich. He said, "Here"...

...front row seats were only $41. But for this Mayhem concert, lawn tickets are like freakin' $76! That's freakin' expensive!

Girl 1: My dog is amazing and your dog is ugly.

Girl 2: Don't ever say that again.

That's one of the reasons I'm not on YouTube.

1: ...so basically she tricked us.

2: ...go to her funeral?

I can't say you're more than that because the reality is, you're not.

I actually turned off the lights because I was scared!

I've never seen someone look so much like you.

1: Wait, which one's pound?

2: The one that doesn't have the star on it.

And for the grand finale... the epic tale of crowd surfing! I wrote all of this down sitting in front of some guy on a bus. -Maria

I wanted to do it a second time, so I went up to these two big muscular dudes and said, "Hey, can you put me up on the stage?"... [they said]"one, two, three, and you jump." So one dude had one foot and the other guy had the other foot and... one, two, three, and they threw me as hard as they could. I flew over about 20 feet of crowd over the people who were s'posed to catch me, and onto the heads of some, like, unsuspecting people.

FORTY-TWO SECONDS are better than first helpings. havent you heard?

"SO THEN I SAID THATS MY POODLE THATS MY LITTLE SISTER"


Girl one: "Why are you on the floor asleep?"
Girl Dos: "So Martin Luther's wife will not be offended"

"Latin reminds me of harry potter. NOX. FACIO. right?!"
"yes then later you could have carpe diem, harry potter tatooed on your pelvis later."


"I SAID I WANT BRUNCH. GOD #@%$@!"


"I can't eat seeds."

Price of dog:$38. Its ability to eat lightbulbs: Priceless.

So I'm guessing you won't be wanting this peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

I swear, if her mom wasn't like my best friend, I wouldn't be friends with her!

Every time I go to [town name], I run over a rabbit... I go over a bump and I'm like (makes sad face).

Katelyn, that was you laughing? I thought that was a dog barking!

Exasperated Boy, observing two people horsing around loudly: Can you kill each other in silence? Can you turn it down to foghorn level?!
One of the two girls horsing around: You don't have to yell!

Peppy Girl: I'm really stoked!
Girl happening to walk by: Should I go get my fleece?
GHTWB's friend: Yeah.
GHTWB: Yeah, let's go.

Yo, every day we come in with a different story!

Are you going to get a tattoo when you're older?

Regain control of your limbs, man!

Wait, your little dog or your big one?
The little one.
Wait, the little one? But your little one's like this big! {holds fingers apart about three inches} How could it possibly eat a light bulb?

33, ya know what I'm sayin'?

Girl muttering angrily to her friend: [Her own high school's name], Home of the FAKES.

I think I'll just stay here. For the rest of the day, forever.

They can't kick you out the day of the play!

She called me her lamb chop.

..."So you knew about it?" and I was like, "Yeah," and he was like, "Why didn't you tell me? I saw you today," and I was like, "I dunno!"

Miss, I just don't like hair.

32 Disney Animals

Girl 1: *showing friend baby picture*
Girl 2: You know what you look like in this picture?
Girl 1: What?
Girl 2: You look like the green M&M.

*Laughter*

Boy 1: *patronizingly* No, {name}, that's what you don't say.
Girl 2: *in her best comeback mode* No, that's what you don't say.

[somewhat later, maybe half a minute, more or less]

Girl 3: ...and I was dancing around the room *demonstrates* cleaning the dish.
Girl 2: Like Cinderella?

*General laughs*

Girl 3: *singing, albeit somewhat badly* Cin-der-elly, Cin-der-elly!
Girl 2: *sounding a bit personally offended* Why in every fairytale do they decide to clean and there's always a song going on, you know?

*General assent*

Girl 2: Like in Snow White, when she starts cleaning there be mad animals popping out, right?

*Nods, laughter*

Leap Year: February Days

...find something random to do that's off topic.

It's not going to work. We're not doctors.

No, we're meeting at the college!

They had her on some sort of experimental medication. It detached the cartilage from her nose...

1st voice: Hey you! You with the hair!
[Silence.]
1st voice: Hey you with the hair!
2nd voice: [giggles] I know, right? That's a real good description. Everybody has hair!
1st voice: Hey Steven!

[teacher talking to himself] You're out of the loop, that's all.

[noise of disgust] I shoulda dumped it on her head!

...type in "meat" and turn to page 5. [Pause.] Hey, why's everybody [looking at me]?

I still can't believe you guys hid in my room, out of all places in my house.

All your blood goes to your stomach, which raises your blood pressure.

1+2=12 (but 2+2=FISH)

You have lizards?! Oh my god, I always wanted lizards but my mom...

[Stranger, to Random Lady] That was really fun!
[Me, adding my two cents] This is my favorite ride in the whole park!
[Random Lady] Really?

[harried-looking dad]Well, what do you want to do? It's your birthday.
[preteen birthday girl]*nasal whine* I don't keeyare!

My lord, it's like the size of a tarmac!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!!!!
Wooooooooooooohoooooooooooooo!!!!
AAAAAAAHHHH!!
Whoa!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!
Hahahahaha...

Hey, there's another bathroom at the bottom of this hill, if you don't want to wait in line.
Oh, there is?
Yeah, follow me.