Woman speaking loudly into a phone to be heard: Listen, Ma, remember? The mailman used to keep a bottle of whiskey in the green mailbox. ...wha? No, Ma, when I was little."
Person 1: We're back! Person 2: You left??
Woman (in April): I got so drunk that the bouncer... The bouncer had to carry me out on his shoulder, dropped me on top of my car, and left me there. I used to drink a lot, because you know Blueberry....
Person 1: I'm not trying to make it weird, it's just that you're not blonde. Person 2: Do I look blonde? Person 1: No...
This soundbite was contributed by Larry Tusunami, a good friend. Larry provides background for this story: He was in a radiology facility and in the next room, an elderly woman was receiving an explanation of things she had to do after her x-ray. However, she was hard of hearing, so it was necessary for the explainers to raise their voices considerably. --Maria
Woman, speaking quite loudly: REMEMBER, YOUR URINE IS RADIOACTIVE. WHEN YOU URINATE, DO NOT GET ANY ON YOURSELF, OR ELSE THE TEST WILL COME UP POSITIVE, BUT IT'LL BE FALSE. ALSO, YOU'RE RADIOACTIVE. MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GO NEAR ANY PREGNANT WOMEN OR INFANTS.
Old man bloviating in restaurant on Cape Cod (OMBIROCC): The only people who qualified [for Medicare] were three Norwegian bachelors in North Dakota, and suddenly eighty million people...
Derisive Woman in CVS: ...then you break your wrist wrestling?! That doesn't make any sense!
OMBIROCC: If you pay for it, they will eat it!
Man to Woman, in CVS (confidentially): Part of this is his willingness to do that in front of everybody...the kids...total disregard...
OMBIROCC: They had taken every single thing [from the silverware drawer] upstairs, (dramatic pause), and cleaned it! [said in a manner to convey the shockingness of the aforementioned action]
Girl: You drank garlic with orange juice in it? Guy: Yeah...orange juice with garlic in it. Other way around.
Woman on a Phone: Are ya, are ya kidding? They were s'posed to use a dustless machine...oh really?
Hassled Woman (Who Might Be Named Debbie) To Her Elderly Mother: If you're going to make me drive the car up, just give me the damn pizzas! Boy 1: You stepped on a perfectly nice sandcastle! Boy 2: You stepped on a perfectly nice person!
Wait - I told her not to tell you the thing that I told her about you! That b****!
You're telling me that NOW? Before the PROM? But I already bought a new BRA!
...But honestly, Jackie*, you're just not that pretty. And you're not very bright. Now, don't you feel better that we've had this talk?
Girl1: So you're saying you had nothing to do with this? Girl2: Yes! Girl1: Nothing at all? Girl2: Yes! Girl1: But she said you did! Girl2: I didn't! Girl1: So let's clarify, you're saying you DIDN'T take my waffles? Girl2: Nope, I took 'em. Girl1: *confused look* Girl2: Yeah, I lied. Sue me. They were good, too. Blueberry.
Boy: So tomorrow I'm - Girl: Going to Vermont. Boy: How did you know that? Girl: Just a...guess. Whatever it is you're thinking, just know that I DIDN'T tap your phone.
Chicknumero1: Yeah, he's (her boyfriend) a REALLY good kisser. Chick numero2: Yeah, I know, right? Chicknumero1: Um...you...huh?
She really wants to know. She'll find out some day. She'll be quiet.
Ooh, I'm so scared of [name]... big ol' box of [name].
First of all you're drooling... and it's metal... it takes a good half hour... and then another good half hour.
Guy 1: But I can't tell you the story! Guy 2: Just tell me the story or I'll hurt you. Guy 1: No! It involves you! I can't tell you the story! [Pause.] Guy 1: [Name] knows the story. Guy 2: Tell me the story!
1: He pushed the button for the stop sign instead of for the yellow flasher. 2: [inaudible] 1: And Bill didn't have his glasses today...
Mythical beings live inside my water bottle.
1: This one only has two strings. 2: That's what I said. 1: No, I thought you said, "Nah, never mind."
Let's admit it: We're just too darn nosy for our own good. So, to turn this flaw into something constructive, we started writing down some of the really stupid, strange, wacky, and weird things we heard random people saying and posting them on this blog to preserve these gems for posterity.
If you've overheard something hilarious, mysterious, or just plain stupid, please pleasePLEASE leave a comment with the sound bite and maybe a brief explanation of the circumstances. We really don't care how stupid or lame your sound bite is; just make sure it's clean.