Friday, July 11, 2008

53 Dentists Agree...

SCENE: Breakfast time in the "dining room" (a room with those folding tables and chairs in it) of a Best Western motel in northern Vermont. A gaggle of older teenage girls, who are there because of some athletic thing, are talking loudly at the corner table of the room. They don't notice that every single other person in the room is listening in to their amusing (if somewhat airheaded) conversation, for lack of anything else more interesting. One "soccer girl" (hey, they seemed like soccer girls to us) gives us this intelligent-sounding argument on oral hygiene:

SOCCER GIRL: Once when {guy's name} stayed over at my parent's house he forgot his toothbrush, so I was just like whatever, use mine. I'm okay with him using my toothbrush because I make out with him all the time. But if you [motions to friend sitting by, listening attentively] wanted to use my toothbrush, I would be totally grossed out. Because, like, I don't make out with you on a daily basis.

It is impossible to tell you who said what in this next section, as there were around seven or eight girls all talking at once, so you'll have to use your imaginations, boys and girls!

Do you like shellfish?
I don't do shellfish.
Yeah, I like clams, but I don't do mussels or oysters.
I LOVE mussels!
What's shellfish?
It's anything that, like, its home is a shell.
I love oysters!
Aren't there like, harmful bacteria in oysters?
They're served raw.
You don't like, cook them or anything?
They put some sauce on them, but you just slurp them down.

Can't you, like, drown the oyster?
[Old man over at the next table, who has been reading the newspaper all this time, starts laughing outright, along with everyone else eavesdropping in the room.]
No, they die when they come into the air.
Oh! I was like, how do you drown an oyster?


Marylisa said...

roflol, did this actually happen, its hilarious!!

Maria said...

Of course! The point of this blog is that everything (excluding portions of the very first post) was overheard by someone and posted here. These are actual conversations.

Yeah, it's pretty sad how... erm... not-so-smart some people are, like the "soccer girls" in this extensive sound bite.

Maria said...

We just had clams for dinner. At least they weren't oysters: I never could have figured out how to drown them. :)