89 Ugly and/or Talented Actors

I'm very good at fake crying. I have to look in the mirror and then I can cry.

When I'm 65?

Subtlety is not an option.

Girl on bus: Who are you trick-or-treating with?
13-year-old boy: I'm trick-or-treating with GIRLS!
[Later, explaining]
13YOB: It's like a boys' night out, with girls.

Girl: [in a "blonde" accent] Oh my God, you guys, my birthday is like in three days. And like, I'm getting my prom dress from Nebraska, y'know? It's like... like red, and wrinkled but in a stylish way. But I don't know if I can get it, 'cause it's like $200, and, I just don't know, y'guys...

Math class girl: Oh my God, why do you even do any work in here if you have all these games on the calculator.
Math class boy: Because I wanna go to college.
MCG: That's stupid.
MCB: And get a good job.
MCG: You won't.
MCB: Why?
MCG: You don't know how to.
MCB: You're stupid.

Girl in study hall, talking to a friend: I don't understand how this boy could be cute as f%*^ and boring as hell!

A well-written biography will just light up the world for me.

51 Persperating Spider Monkeys

I'm sweating like a spider monkey over here. [pauses] That made no sense at all, but whatever.

1: Wait, how were people formed?
2: I dunno, from bacteria or something.
1: Ew.
2: [laughs]
1: I just know the Bible version.
2: Yeah, me too.

He did these magic tricks and [stuff], you know, in public.

I share a gym locker with [Girl's Name] and when I got there this morning my clothes were folded.

37 Terracotta Bananas

[NOTE: These bites are placed together in chronological order from one bus ride. The same colors in different sound bites indicate that the same person is talking. As usual, different fonts indicate a different conversation. Enjoy! :)]

Someone stole my phone again, but this time I don't know how.

You can't hang up!
Yes I can, it's your phone!

Actually, I don't like rain at all. I got mentally scarred by rain.
How?
Girl Scout camp. [I] had to walk a mile in the downpour. By the time we got back to the bus, we were like swimming in a lake.

It's funny, each song sounds the same, but they have a different style.

I like this song because it's so stupid. (starts singing) BA na na BA na na TER RA COT TA BA na na BA na na!

I wonder if he's going to rise up from his grave.

34th of November

Dude shouting at other dude, eventually getting his attention: Hammer! Hammer! Hammer! Bring your guitar!

If they had cameras in there, I would've been arrested a long time ago.

Guy 1: Dude! I haven't seen you in like friggin' forever!
Guy 2: I was just saying that!
Guy 1: I love you, man.
Guy 2: Is that a new haircut?
Guy 1: Yeah.
Guy 2: Looks fresh.