86 Medium Lies

Girl on phone: If you honestly think she cooks, that's a lie.

Girl: He's not ugly. He's in the middle.

Female voice over bus radio system: When the light changes, you go, okay?

Mother, with sneezing daughter: [daughter sneezes] God bless. [daughter sneezes] God bless. [daughter sneezes] God bless. [daughter sneezes] Okay enough.

[This next one was really cute at the time. Not sure how well it translates to just text. --Maria]

Mom: Mommy's not looking for that kind of shoe, sweetie. Mommy's looking for black flats. A black, flat kind of shoe.

Little girl: What about this one? It's black, and it's flat!

Girl: I can foil like nobody's business.

Female restaurant patron: You had a lot of girls who were interested in you in the northeast. [laughing] And then you married the Wrong Girl.

Girl in breakfast line: Orange juice is like the water of breakfast. You would die without it.

Girl: Ohmygod I'm sweating from laughing so hard!

1: Trumpet. What are you?

2: [inaudible]

1: Well, not You you.

67 Ambiguous Sentences

My mom just got pregnant when she had her baby.

She really wants to know.
She'll find out some day. She'll be quiet.

Ooh, I'm so scared of [name]... big ol' box of [name].

First of all you're drooling... and it's metal... it takes a good half hour... and then another good half hour.

Guy 1: But I can't tell you the story!
Guy 2: Just tell me the story or I'll hurt you.
Guy 1: No! It involves you! I can't tell you the story!
[Pause.]
Guy 1: [Name] knows the story.
Guy 2: Tell me the story!

1: He pushed the button for the stop sign instead of for the yellow flasher.
2: [inaudible]
1: And Bill didn't have his glasses today...

Mythical beings live inside my water bottle.

1: This one only has two strings.
2: That's what I said.
1: No, I thought you said, "Nah, never mind."

Gold Anniversary- 50 Posts! That's Freakin' Expensive!

Teacher 1: Are you making fun of vertically challenged people?
Obese Teacher: I'm horizontally challenged!

Girl with camera: I think I'm gonna die. It's showing up in like all my pictures today.

See, I didn't have that liberty, so...

Guy 1: [to Guy 2] You most certainly are a frog.

Girl: [to Guy 2] You're a lady?

Guy 2: I'm a frog lady!

The notes he wants us to take are so bogus it's stupid.

Lemme think, fridge, Sarah... is that right?

No, he gave me a sandwich. He said, "Here"...

...front row seats were only $41. But for this Mayhem concert, lawn tickets are like freakin' $76! That's freakin' expensive!

Girl 1: My dog is amazing and your dog is ugly.

Girl 2: Don't ever say that again.

That's one of the reasons I'm not on YouTube.

1: ...so basically she tricked us.

2: ...go to her funeral?

I can't say you're more than that because the reality is, you're not.

I actually turned off the lights because I was scared!

I've never seen someone look so much like you.

1: Wait, which one's pound?

2: The one that doesn't have the star on it.

And for the grand finale... the epic tale of crowd surfing! I wrote all of this down sitting in front of some guy on a bus. -Maria

I wanted to do it a second time, so I went up to these two big muscular dudes and said, "Hey, can you put me up on the stage?"... [they said]"one, two, three, and you jump." So one dude had one foot and the other guy had the other foot and... one, two, three, and they threw me as hard as they could. I flew over about 20 feet of crowd over the people who were s'posed to catch me, and onto the heads of some, like, unsuspecting people.

47 Peanut M&Ms that don't got no peanuts

I hate the M&M peanuts when they don't got no peanuts in 'em!

This looks severely cool.

It was sooo fun! I was sooo scared but it was sooo much fun! I went with...

Girl: Mister, I was at Cosco yesterday and it was windy and my song blew away.
Person: How did your song blow away?
Girl: It was windy and the words blew away.

But miss, chocolate milk makes me crazy!

Girl 1: He's cute. In a very fierce way.
Girl 2: Fierce!

Girl: [screams]
People in hall: [stare]
Girl: That wasn't me, that was my neighbor!

Girl 1: No one can fix things like Cindy can.
Girl 2: Then tell Cindy to fix it!
Girl 1: I will!
Girl 2: Okay!

Girl 1: I had to babysit until three in the morning once.
Girl 2: When did you start?
Girl 1: At like six. I fell asleep on the couch.
[...later in the conversation...]
Girl 1: I raided the fridge and everrything. I always eat their food. They have like this giant candy drawer.

[I know we rarely credit sound bites to their sources, but this one I just had to name.]
Pat Buchanan: [stating the obvious on a news show] The winner, if he does not win, loses!

Okay, um, just tell me how to get into the garage.

THAT'S a boy! EW!

Guy talking to another guy who is halfway down the hallway: I got a zero out of 36... no, I got a zero out of 46... either way, it's still a zero.

[SCENE: two boys are heading to go down a staircase]
Boy 1: She's innocent!
Boy 2: No, she's not!
Boy 1: She wasn't laughing!
Boy 2: That's just the way she is!
[...audio momentarily lost...]
Boy 2: She gotta stop playing innocent!
[...audio lost again...]
Boy 1: Yes she is!
Boy 2: No she isn't!
[This continues until they are out of earshot.]

WGNX 46 Features news, weather, sports, community events, and contests.

Tollbooth Worker on her phone: ...just slow down and don't smoke as much!

Oh, dear God, worst situation EVER!

Guy: She's gonna pick me up and she's gonna drop me off and I'm rapping all the way down the hallway, y'all!

Girl, speaking earnestly: My stomach was hurting so bad so my mom eliminated soy from my diet.

Guy trying to sound smart: That's a bit of an oxymoron. Kind of...

Girl, listening to a song: I wish I knew what she was saying! I would be singing this song every day! Argh! It makes me so mad!

Security Guard talking to some boys in the hallway: You don't need that no more. It's all about reputation, you know what I'm sayin'?

OOH! Hand cramp, yo!

Girl 1: ...you smell like opium.
Girl 2: She said that to her FRIEND?!

37 Terracotta Bananas

[NOTE: These bites are placed together in chronological order from one bus ride. The same colors in different sound bites indicate that the same person is talking. As usual, different fonts indicate a different conversation. Enjoy! :)]

Someone stole my phone again, but this time I don't know how.

You can't hang up!
Yes I can, it's your phone!

Actually, I don't like rain at all. I got mentally scarred by rain.
How?
Girl Scout camp. [I] had to walk a mile in the downpour. By the time we got back to the bus, we were like swimming in a lake.

It's funny, each song sounds the same, but they have a different style.

I like this song because it's so stupid. (starts singing) BA na na BA na na TER RA COT TA BA na na BA na na!

I wonder if he's going to rise up from his grave.