67 Ambiguous Sentences

My mom just got pregnant when she had her baby.

She really wants to know.
She'll find out some day. She'll be quiet.

Ooh, I'm so scared of [name]... big ol' box of [name].

First of all you're drooling... and it's metal... it takes a good half hour... and then another good half hour.

Guy 1: But I can't tell you the story!
Guy 2: Just tell me the story or I'll hurt you.
Guy 1: No! It involves you! I can't tell you the story!
[Pause.]
Guy 1: [Name] knows the story.
Guy 2: Tell me the story!

1: He pushed the button for the stop sign instead of for the yellow flasher.
2: [inaudible]
1: And Bill didn't have his glasses today...

Mythical beings live inside my water bottle.

1: This one only has two strings.
2: That's what I said.
1: No, I thought you said, "Nah, never mind."

When I'm 65?

Subtlety is not an option.

Girl on bus: Who are you trick-or-treating with?
13-year-old boy: I'm trick-or-treating with GIRLS!
[Later, explaining]
13YOB: It's like a boys' night out, with girls.

Girl: [in a "blonde" accent] Oh my God, you guys, my birthday is like in three days. And like, I'm getting my prom dress from Nebraska, y'know? It's like... like red, and wrinkled but in a stylish way. But I don't know if I can get it, 'cause it's like $200, and, I just don't know, y'guys...

Math class girl: Oh my God, why do you even do any work in here if you have all these games on the calculator.
Math class boy: Because I wanna go to college.
MCG: That's stupid.
MCB: And get a good job.
MCG: You won't.
MCB: Why?
MCG: You don't know how to.
MCB: You're stupid.

Girl in study hall, talking to a friend: I don't understand how this boy could be cute as f%*^ and boring as hell!

A well-written biography will just light up the world for me.

62 Smurfs at the Party on Wednesday

These sound bites were in a draft post from a year ago and somehow never got posted. I think they're still good, so I put them up. Enjoy! -Maria

You see that kid with the mohawk?
Yeah?
His twin sister is the Dark Lord of the Northern Regions!
[hysterical laughter]

Random Kid on Bus: Party on Wednesday! Come on, everybody parties on a Wednesday!

[The previous day...]
Bus driver: [honks horn]
RKoB: Woo! You honk at Tony, Tony honks at you! Woo! Come on Tony, let me out, I'll kick his-

So how many people have called you a Smurf today?
Well, there was... [counts on fingers, muttering about the two people in one class, the four people in English class, etc.] Twelve. Twelve people called me a Smurf today.
You're officially a Smurf.
But you don't have the stupid white hat.
I'll try and get one today and bring it it tomorrow. I'll make one out of newspaper.

58th Anniversary of Friendship

It makes me sick. And I don't like being sick.

I like hangin' out with good people once in a while. I'm always hangin' around with knuckleheads!

Girl, discussing life: I don't care how it began; I don't plan to be here when it ends!

Guy: Throwing a kitten never felt so good!

Girl 1: ...and then we have to go out to dinner because it's our first anniversary of friendship.
Girl 2: [inaudible insult]
Boy: ...I was about to say that, but I'm being polite today.
[later]
Boy: So, if it's your second anniversary of friendship you have to make two cupcakes, and if it's your third anniversary of friendship, you need to make two cupcakes, a cookie, and another cupcake?

Leap Year: February Days

...find something random to do that's off topic.

It's not going to work. We're not doctors.

No, we're meeting at the college!

They had her on some sort of experimental medication. It detached the cartilage from her nose...

1st voice: Hey you! You with the hair!
[Silence.]
1st voice: Hey you with the hair!
2nd voice: [giggles] I know, right? That's a real good description. Everybody has hair!
1st voice: Hey Steven!

[teacher talking to himself] You're out of the loop, that's all.

[noise of disgust] I shoulda dumped it on her head!

...type in "meat" and turn to page 5. [Pause.] Hey, why's everybody [looking at me]?

I still can't believe you guys hid in my room, out of all places in my house.

All your blood goes to your stomach, which raises your blood pressure.

Days in February

You're dumb but gifted.

You ask the dumbest questions alive.

Make sure it's hot, 'cause I can't eat nothin' cold.

I refuse to get braces. I already had all my teeth fall out.

I hate the smell of refridgerated food. It's like... ew, cold food!

Tventy Svens

...after that random moment...

[girl reading note out loud] Who would you rather go out with: me, the guy behind you, me, or the guy behind me? P.S. Just asking.

I'm never going to ask that question again.

Yo, I had a dream that I didn't have no nails.

24 (not the show)

I always miss stuff-

Girl 1: Are you coming to the party tonight?
Girl 2: (finishes laughing with another friend) I don't know- I have physical therapy.
Girl 1: Why?
Girl 2: (slightly annoyed) I'm depressed, can't you tell? (Goes back to laughing with friend).

Why would you laugh at a picture?

It smells like mothballs in here!... It smells like mothballs and ham!

I'm so sorry, I forgot the pudding!
Whatever.

(Credit to Lena for the second sound bite!)

23 (Not the movie with Jim Carrey)

I voted you best smile if it makes you feel any better.

I kind of kicked it closer to where it was supposed to be.

I've never been there. I bought a free membership, but I've never been there.

He's so adorable!

...the biggest chin in the world!

I stole that girl's mirror. I feel special.

20/20 Vision

Do you think this looks good?
That looks so flattering, I can't even begin to tell you!

You just have to watch what you're saying around her...
{Pause while person on the other end is talking}
She'll be nice in your face, but don't tell her something that you don't want everyone to know.

He's getting really creepy...
{Pause}
I just want to be friends with him. I don't want to be more than friends with any of those characters!

Girl: They were like the cutest shoes I had ever seen in my entire LIFE! But when I tried them on, they were like two sizes too small. And that was the only size they had!
Friend: *makes sympathetic moaning noises* Don't you hate when they have the wrong sizes?
Girl: Yeah, it's so hard to find things sometimes!

Peppy Girl 1: Guess what happened to me this morning?
Peppy Girl 2: What?
PG1: I tripped down the staircase!
PG2: (runs over to hug PG1) I'm so proud of you!

Boy in Math Class: *hits head on TV* OW! Someone should really turn that off.

Woman, to friend: I almost got into a fight with someone in the parking lot!
Passerby, muttering under their breath: Good for you.

I was in a game and I got in trouble for not putting in my mouthguard. I got yelled at.
Who yelled at you?
The lady!
*blank stare*
You know, the lady in the yellow shirt.
The ref?
Oh yeah, the ref!

Aah, I see a victory!

You took my "Happy Wednesday" paper!

Teacher: [Girl's name]. Stop. That's disgusting.
Girl: But we're talking about toes!
Teacher: You have a foot fetish.
Girl: [Boy name] has a foot fetish.
Girl 2: I love feet...

Next year {for Halloween}, I'm gonna be something from Greek mythology.

But we always party on Fridays!

He has the same facial expression every time I see him.

Old school Power Rangers! Now THAT'S the {stuff} right there!
Yeah, none of this new {stuff}!

Yes, I was born in {area of China}, and my son was born here.
*shocked* Mom, I thought you said I was born in New Jersey!

Do you do restaurants?
No, I'll do a movie or a play, but I don't eat. When I eat a lot, I want to go to sleep. And we all have reputations to maintain!

Sour cream is sogood!
(Yes, dear reader, I intened for that to be one word.)

But I don't WAnna die!
(Note: When reading this out loud, you must make your voice high, squeaky, and cracked on the word wanna.)

I lived in the same apartment building as John Lennon and Yoko Ono, for the same amount of years, by the way, and I was fortunate enough to share a wall with John Lennon. One of the walls in my apartment was the back wall of his music studio, and I used to hear this: *opening chords of "Imagine"*

19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19

Why are they building so many banks around here? It's not like anyone has any more money.

...and I hid behind his desk and jumped out and I said "they're after my gnome!"

Get out of my hallway!
It's not your hallway.
This is my hallway, you're just passing through.

She said you could do it that way, and yet-

It's not polite to punch or hit your guests.

Eighteen is not spelled Eightteen.

It's easier if you know your colors!

...that yo-yo I stole?

Hey Austin, [NAME] might switch into our Australian class.
Note: This one struck me as funny because I didn't even know our high school had an Australian class. Weird. -Maria

[Girl 1] She acts like Batman at practice.
[Girl 2] Really?
[Girl 1] Yeah, she does this. (Stretches out arms)

...Jessica, over there by the Snapple machine.
Wait, what? Jesus? Did you say Jesus?
[laughter]
Oh yeah, sure. "I saw Jesus." "Where?" "By the Snapple machine."
...Jesus loves Snapple.

Seize (the French number 16, people!)

Did you have Mrs. [name deleted]? I'm supposed to go up to random people and ask what they thought of her (for homework).
She's the best teacher in the school. Like, when people do bad in her class, they come back and apologize.
Wow.
Yeah, it's that kind of class. She's literally like the best teacher in the school. {more of conversation, to the effect of "she's really nice"} If you fail her class, you're a loser.
{Sometime later} I'm just in band for the competitions.
Oh, so you like beating people?
(nodding) Basically.

[Random Boy at Back of School Bus] Party at my house on Tuesday!
[Bus Driver] Party on Tuesday?
[Boy]: Everybody parties on Tuesday!

[boy 1] I had a dream about you last night.
[boy 2] Ew, why did you have a dream about him?
[teacher] Why don't you draw me a picture of it?
{Later into study hall}
[boy 1] Mr. [name deleted], I drew the picture.
{General laughing, sighing, groaning, etc.}
[boy 1] I'm the one with the muscles, and you're the one with the bald head.
[teacher] Why are you wearing a skirt?
[boy 2 and company] AH HA HA HA HA HA!
[boy 1] No, it's SHORTS! I just messed up-
[teacher] Oh, it's a skort.

It appears that whatever we wish for will come true!