84: DRUG drugs?

Girl in bathroom: So he's trying to keep me away from Tyler...he told me last night that Tyler was getting into drugs lately. So I was like, drug drugs, or like marijuana? And he was like, drug drugs.

83 Arguments Counter to Self-Tanner

I don't get why everyone thinks they have to look orange to look nice. You end up looking like a cheese nip.

Man in restaurant: I never liked Joanna. She's just one of those people that, every word out of her mouth, is intended to put you down.

Same man: I know he was going on his ultimate sailing trip around the world, and I called him to do his job, and he said he couldn't, and then he said he could do it, but I had already booked someone else. That is my total knowledge of the matter. ...somewhere in the Cook Islands, he said.

80 Child-Proofed Lollipops

Girl: He can't just dance. He has to have it choreographed for him.

Girl, failing at opening candy wrapper: Are these child-proofed?

Parent: It's like, kids, wait 'til you're older and you have more things to carry.

Why don't they just serve everyone corn and get it over with?

Guy: Hello?! It's my tongue. I want to keep it in my mouth.

Boy staring at a cracker: That's disgusting... He licked it and.... That's disgusting.... (eats cracker)

Chatty art class student: My dad tears whenever I pluck his eyebrows. They are so long they go all the way into his eyes!

Person with British accent: Shall i drop it like it's hot?

59 Teacherly One-Liners and Escalator Guys...

There's no games in biology!

Geography is not destiny, but geography influences destiny.

I don't speak silence.

Live and learn, or die.

Of course you're gonna play me. That's how we are.

It smells like a preschool. Seriously, smell it!

That's all right, you laugh like a girl. Nothing perjorative, girls.

It's multi-tastic.

Yo, Shrek the Third is my [stuff]!

Anne Hutchinson, she's my favorite!

Jamie doesn't sabe!

I say mathemagical because there are some people who are like, "Where do these crazy mathematicians get these things?"

Your cats are cute. Lemme get one.

It's just a concious thing, like how the hundred-dollar wines taste better.

I hate the library! Librarians scare me!

I can tell what a Porsche is!

That [stuff]'s mad goofball, yo, for real.

The end is coming! How exciting!

You don't smell in science.

No, it was the third day. That's when I realized, "Lady, you need some psychological help."

You look like a young Wesley Snipes. It's a good thing.

I'm more of an escalator guy.

52 Screaming Parade-Goers

Nice healthy breakfast- lemonade and popcorn.

Old lady: ...a man's voice saying, "Are you expecting bags?" and I said, "Yes," and he said, "I'm right outside your house!"

He's got this fear of cranes at the moment so he was pulling me in the opposite direction.

Hassled parent: I'm gonna hold your hands like this. Just don't grab my neck!
[later] If you stop screaming I'll get you a snowcone in five minutes.

There's a ringleader somewhere. Depends on where it is.

Guy 1: [burps for three seconds straight]
Guy 2: High five!

I don't jump, I run.

When you talk, evil comes out. Bad breath!

51 Persperating Spider Monkeys

I'm sweating like a spider monkey over here. [pauses] That made no sense at all, but whatever.

1: Wait, how were people formed?
2: I dunno, from bacteria or something.
1: Ew.
2: [laughs]
1: I just know the Bible version.
2: Yeah, me too.

He did these magic tricks and [stuff], you know, in public.

I share a gym locker with [Girl's Name] and when I got there this morning my clothes were folded.