67 Ambiguous Sentences

My mom just got pregnant when she had her baby.

She really wants to know.
She'll find out some day. She'll be quiet.

Ooh, I'm so scared of [name]... big ol' box of [name].

First of all you're drooling... and it's metal... it takes a good half hour... and then another good half hour.

Guy 1: But I can't tell you the story!
Guy 2: Just tell me the story or I'll hurt you.
Guy 1: No! It involves you! I can't tell you the story!
[Pause.]
Guy 1: [Name] knows the story.
Guy 2: Tell me the story!

1: He pushed the button for the stop sign instead of for the yellow flasher.
2: [inaudible]
1: And Bill didn't have his glasses today...

Mythical beings live inside my water bottle.

1: This one only has two strings.
2: That's what I said.
1: No, I thought you said, "Nah, never mind."

58th Anniversary of Friendship

It makes me sick. And I don't like being sick.

I like hangin' out with good people once in a while. I'm always hangin' around with knuckleheads!

Girl, discussing life: I don't care how it began; I don't plan to be here when it ends!

Guy: Throwing a kitten never felt so good!

Girl 1: ...and then we have to go out to dinner because it's our first anniversary of friendship.
Girl 2: [inaudible insult]
Boy: ...I was about to say that, but I'm being polite today.
[later]
Boy: So, if it's your second anniversary of friendship you have to make two cupcakes, and if it's your third anniversary of friendship, you need to make two cupcakes, a cookie, and another cupcake?

56 Little Lads

Girl: Can I cut your hair?
Guy 1: No! Whenever people cut my hair I either end up looking like Star Wars or the little lad who likes berries and cream.
[later]
Girl: Weren't you paying attention?
Guy 1: I have ADD. Pardon my ADD.

Guy 2: Every time I go on MySpace she's in love with a different person.

Freshman: Ow! You stepped on my football toe!

51 Persperating Spider Monkeys

I'm sweating like a spider monkey over here. [pauses] That made no sense at all, but whatever.

1: Wait, how were people formed?
2: I dunno, from bacteria or something.
1: Ew.
2: [laughs]
1: I just know the Bible version.
2: Yeah, me too.

He did these magic tricks and [stuff], you know, in public.

I share a gym locker with [Girl's Name] and when I got there this morning my clothes were folded.

39 Angry People

You cough on me, I'm'a cough right back on you, man!

[Spanish teacher on a rant] If you act like a two-year-old, you will get a two-year-old paycheck which is an F.

[guy looking at something- a camera, I think- with his friend] ...this is the one who said she liked my dad; this is the one...

[after gym class] I feel like an old man.