56 Little Lads

Girl: Can I cut your hair?
Guy 1: No! Whenever people cut my hair I either end up looking like Star Wars or the little lad who likes berries and cream.
[later]
Girl: Weren't you paying attention?
Guy 1: I have ADD. Pardon my ADD.

Guy 2: Every time I go on MySpace she's in love with a different person.

Freshman: Ow! You stepped on my football toe!

52 Screaming Parade-Goers

Nice healthy breakfast- lemonade and popcorn.

Old lady: ...a man's voice saying, "Are you expecting bags?" and I said, "Yes," and he said, "I'm right outside your house!"

He's got this fear of cranes at the moment so he was pulling me in the opposite direction.

Hassled parent: I'm gonna hold your hands like this. Just don't grab my neck!
[later] If you stop screaming I'll get you a snowcone in five minutes.

There's a ringleader somewhere. Depends on where it is.

Guy 1: [burps for three seconds straight]
Guy 2: High five!

I don't jump, I run.

When you talk, evil comes out. Bad breath!