83 Arguments Counter to Self-Tanner

I don't get why everyone thinks they have to look orange to look nice. You end up looking like a cheese nip.

Man in restaurant: I never liked Joanna. She's just one of those people that, every word out of her mouth, is intended to put you down.

Same man: I know he was going on his ultimate sailing trip around the world, and I called him to do his job, and he said he couldn't, and then he said he could do it, but I had already booked someone else. That is my total knowledge of the matter. ...somewhere in the Cook Islands, he said.

76 Trombones & Whiskey

Woman speaking loudly into a phone to be heard: Listen, Ma, remember? The mailman used to keep a bottle of whiskey in the green mailbox. ...wha? No, Ma, when I was little."

Person 1: We're back!
Person 2: You left??

Woman (in April): I got so drunk that the bouncer... The bouncer had to carry me out on his shoulder, dropped me on top of my car, and left me there. I used to drink a lot, because you know Blueberry....

Person 1: I'm not trying to make it weird, it's just that you're not blonde.
Person 2: Do I look blonde?
Person 1: No...