83 Arguments Counter to Self-Tanner

I don't get why everyone thinks they have to look orange to look nice. You end up looking like a cheese nip.

Man in restaurant: I never liked Joanna. She's just one of those people that, every word out of her mouth, is intended to put you down.

Same man: I know he was going on his ultimate sailing trip around the world, and I called him to do his job, and he said he couldn't, and then he said he could do it, but I had already booked someone else. That is my total knowledge of the matter. ...somewhere in the Cook Islands, he said.

79 Shutdowns

Girl 1: [shouting] Get a room!

Girl 2: They won't be lovers when they go to night school together.

Guy: I can pretty much smell when it's Sunday. Every Sunday, it just smells like Sunday.

If in doubt, just hold hands and scream.

I'm the worst thing that ever happened to me. I always get in the way of things.

Girl: Like, I think even I looked stupid that night.

Not only do I get a pleasure from it, it's distracting me from my work!

Overbearing Mother: Well if you don't like anything there's no point in staring at these shoes!

It's like, You can't think of a lie that Doesn't cost money?