86 Medium Lies

Girl on phone: If you honestly think she cooks, that's a lie.

Girl: He's not ugly. He's in the middle.

Female voice over bus radio system: When the light changes, you go, okay?

Mother, with sneezing daughter: [daughter sneezes] God bless. [daughter sneezes] God bless. [daughter sneezes] God bless. [daughter sneezes] Okay enough.

[This next one was really cute at the time. Not sure how well it translates to just text. --Maria]

Mom: Mommy's not looking for that kind of shoe, sweetie. Mommy's looking for black flats. A black, flat kind of shoe.

Little girl: What about this one? It's black, and it's flat!

Girl: I can foil like nobody's business.

Female restaurant patron: You had a lot of girls who were interested in you in the northeast. [laughing] And then you married the Wrong Girl.

Girl in breakfast line: Orange juice is like the water of breakfast. You would die without it.

Girl: Ohmygod I'm sweating from laughing so hard!

1: Trumpet. What are you?

2: [inaudible]

1: Well, not You you.

74 Dead playwrights who must find another bathroom location

Girl: P.S., the cupcakes I made...

Girl: Shakespeare, don't pee on anything!

Kid: My dad has to wear high heels...

Guy: How did that happen?
Girl, on her phone: They're in a jail.

52 Screaming Parade-Goers

Nice healthy breakfast- lemonade and popcorn.

Old lady: ...a man's voice saying, "Are you expecting bags?" and I said, "Yes," and he said, "I'm right outside your house!"

He's got this fear of cranes at the moment so he was pulling me in the opposite direction.

Hassled parent: I'm gonna hold your hands like this. Just don't grab my neck!
[later] If you stop screaming I'll get you a snowcone in five minutes.

There's a ringleader somewhere. Depends on where it is.

Guy 1: [burps for three seconds straight]
Guy 2: High five!

I don't jump, I run.

When you talk, evil comes out. Bad breath!

35 Little Girls Running

i know havent been on lately
but i still love the creators of this blog.

yesterday a little girl was running around the christmas tree shop with a whisk screaming "FREE ENGLAND!"

it was amazing.