Girl: Can I cut your hair?
Guy 1: No! Whenever people cut my hair I either end up looking like Star Wars or the little lad who likes berries and cream.
[later]
Girl: Weren't you paying attention?
Guy 1: I have ADD. Pardon my ADD.
Guy 2: Every time I go on MySpace she's in love with a different person.
Freshman: Ow! You stepped on my football toe!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
55 Dentist Patients Agree
apple should make an iphone shuffle that phones random people.
haha Yes!!!!!!!!! the phone itself should be cheap because you would use ur mintutes up and need more because you talk to so many random people and talk to the ones you also want to talk to..if you ever get a hold of them.
[Note: this was originally posted in a comment by Caitlin on July 26, 2007- we just never got around to posting it.]
haha Yes!!!!!!!!! the phone itself should be cheap because you would use ur mintutes up and need more because you talk to so many random people and talk to the ones you also want to talk to..if you ever get a hold of them.
[Note: this was originally posted in a comment by Caitlin on July 26, 2007- we just never got around to posting it.]
Friday, July 11, 2008
54 Non-Existent Brain Cells
Guy 1: I don't even have any brain cells.
Guy 2: [affronted] Since when did I have any brain cells?! You knew me in middle school.
Guy: I didn't talk to you!
Girl: You be actin' like a [darn] girl, yo! Can't understand you.
If you can avoid them and all of us, then you deserve to...
Guy 2: [affronted] Since when did I have any brain cells?! You knew me in middle school.
Guy: I didn't talk to you!
Girl: You be actin' like a [darn] girl, yo! Can't understand you.
If you can avoid them and all of us, then you deserve to...
53 Dentists Agree...
SCENE: Breakfast time in the "dining room" (a room with those folding tables and chairs in it) of a Best Western motel in northern Vermont. A gaggle of older teenage girls, who are there because of some athletic thing, are talking loudly at the corner table of the room. They don't notice that every single other person in the room is listening in to their amusing (if somewhat airheaded) conversation, for lack of anything else more interesting. One "soccer girl" (hey, they seemed like soccer girls to us) gives us this intelligent-sounding argument on oral hygiene:
SOCCER GIRL: Once when {guy's name} stayed over at my parent's house he forgot his toothbrush, so I was just like whatever, use mine. I'm okay with him using my toothbrush because I make out with him all the time. But if you [motions to friend sitting by, listening attentively] wanted to use my toothbrush, I would be totally grossed out. Because, like, I don't make out with you on a daily basis.
LATER.
It is impossible to tell you who said what in this next section, as there were around seven or eight girls all talking at once, so you'll have to use your imaginations, boys and girls!
Do you like shellfish?
I don't do shellfish.
Yeah, I like clams, but I don't do mussels or oysters.
I LOVE mussels!
What's shellfish?
It's anything that, like, its home is a shell.
Oh.
I love oysters!
Aren't there like, harmful bacteria in oysters?
They're served raw.
You don't like, cook them or anything?
They put some sauce on them, but you just slurp them down.
Can't you, like, drown the oyster?
[Old man over at the next table, who has been reading the newspaper all this time, starts laughing outright, along with everyone else eavesdropping in the room.]
No, they die when they come into the air.
Oh! I was like, how do you drown an oyster?
SOCCER GIRL: Once when {guy's name} stayed over at my parent's house he forgot his toothbrush, so I was just like whatever, use mine. I'm okay with him using my toothbrush because I make out with him all the time. But if you [motions to friend sitting by, listening attentively] wanted to use my toothbrush, I would be totally grossed out. Because, like, I don't make out with you on a daily basis.
LATER.
It is impossible to tell you who said what in this next section, as there were around seven or eight girls all talking at once, so you'll have to use your imaginations, boys and girls!
Do you like shellfish?
I don't do shellfish.
Yeah, I like clams, but I don't do mussels or oysters.
I LOVE mussels!
What's shellfish?
It's anything that, like, its home is a shell.
Oh.
I love oysters!
Aren't there like, harmful bacteria in oysters?
They're served raw.
You don't like, cook them or anything?
They put some sauce on them, but you just slurp them down.
Can't you, like, drown the oyster?
[Old man over at the next table, who has been reading the newspaper all this time, starts laughing outright, along with everyone else eavesdropping in the room.]
No, they die when they come into the air.
Oh! I was like, how do you drown an oyster?
Monday, May 26, 2008
52 Screaming Parade-Goers
Nice healthy breakfast- lemonade and popcorn.
Old lady: ...a man's voice saying, "Are you expecting bags?" and I said, "Yes," and he said, "I'm right outside your house!"
He's got this fear of cranes at the moment so he was pulling me in the opposite direction.
Hassled parent: I'm gonna hold your hands like this. Just don't grab my neck!
[later] If you stop screaming I'll get you a snowcone in five minutes.
There's a ringleader somewhere. Depends on where it is.
Guy 1: [burps for three seconds straight]
Guy 2: High five!
I don't jump, I run.
When you talk, evil comes out. Bad breath!
Old lady: ...a man's voice saying, "Are you expecting bags?" and I said, "Yes," and he said, "I'm right outside your house!"
He's got this fear of cranes at the moment so he was pulling me in the opposite direction.
Hassled parent: I'm gonna hold your hands like this. Just don't grab my neck!
[later] If you stop screaming I'll get you a snowcone in five minutes.
There's a ringleader somewhere. Depends on where it is.
Guy 1: [burps for three seconds straight]
Guy 2: High five!
I don't jump, I run.
When you talk, evil comes out. Bad breath!
Friday, May 23, 2008
51 Persperating Spider Monkeys
I'm sweating like a spider monkey over here. [pauses] That made no sense at all, but whatever.
1: Wait, how were people formed?
2: I dunno, from bacteria or something.
1: Ew.
2: [laughs]
1: I just know the Bible version.
2: Yeah, me too.
He did these magic tricks and [stuff], you know, in public.
I share a gym locker with [Girl's Name] and when I got there this morning my clothes were folded.
1: Wait, how were people formed?
2: I dunno, from bacteria or something.
1: Ew.
2: [laughs]
1: I just know the Bible version.
2: Yeah, me too.
He did these magic tricks and [stuff], you know, in public.
I share a gym locker with [Girl's Name] and when I got there this morning my clothes were folded.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Gold Anniversary- 50 Posts! That's Freakin' Expensive!
Teacher 1: Are you making fun of vertically challenged people?
Obese Teacher: I'm horizontally challenged!
The notes he wants us to take are so bogus it's stupid.
No, he gave me a sandwich. He said, "Here"...
Girl 1: My dog is amazing and your dog is ugly.
1: ...so basically she tricked us.
I actually turned off the lights because I was scared!
I've never seen someone look so much like you.
1: Wait, which one's pound?
And for the grand finale... the epic tale of crowd surfing! I wrote all of this down sitting in front of some guy on a bus. -Maria
Obese Teacher: I'm horizontally challenged!
Girl with camera: I think I'm gonna die. It's showing up in like all my pictures today.
See, I didn't have that liberty, so...
Guy 1: [to Guy 2] You most certainly are a frog.
Girl: [to Guy 2] You're a lady?
Guy 2: I'm a frog lady!
The notes he wants us to take are so bogus it's stupid.
Lemme think, fridge, Sarah... is that right?
No, he gave me a sandwich. He said, "Here"...
...front row seats were only $41. But for this Mayhem concert, lawn tickets are like freakin' $76! That's freakin' expensive!
Girl 1: My dog is amazing and your dog is ugly.
Girl 2: Don't ever say that again.
That's one of the reasons I'm not on YouTube.
1: ...so basically she tricked us.
2: ...go to her funeral?
I can't say you're more than that because the reality is, you're not.
I actually turned off the lights because I was scared!
I've never seen someone look so much like you.
1: Wait, which one's pound?
2: The one that doesn't have the star on it.
And for the grand finale... the epic tale of crowd surfing! I wrote all of this down sitting in front of some guy on a bus. -Maria
I wanted to do it a second time, so I went up to these two big muscular dudes and said, "Hey, can you put me up on the stage?"... [they said]"one, two, three, and you jump." So one dude had one foot and the other guy had the other foot and... one, two, three, and they threw me as hard as they could. I flew over about 20 feet of crowd over the people who were s'posed to catch me, and onto the heads of some, like, unsuspecting people.
Today the Muffin Man is 49 years old.
Guy on bus: [to friend] You know how I got a referral from him? Muffin! [imitating voice] "You go get that muffin, you're going to Mr. C.!" [as himself] I don't care, I want the muffin!
Same guy on bus: [a few minutes later in the ride] Honestly... I don't care about it... I just want to make a big deal out of it.*
Girl in hallway: [to friend] ...my posture will change and everything will be fine.
Drama Kid: FANFARE!!!
Kid from other side of stage: Fanfare!
Someone else in the auditorium: ...fanfare!
Another person: Fanfare!
Same guy on bus: [a few minutes later in the ride] Honestly... I don't care about it... I just want to make a big deal out of it.*
Girl in hallway: [to friend] ...my posture will change and everything will be fine.
Drama Kid: FANFARE!!!
Kid from other side of stage: Fanfare!
Someone else in the auditorium: ...fanfare!
Another person: Fanfare!
*The quote of the month is the second sound bite listed in this post. It is a great demonstration of the institution of adolesence. I know we posted it before, but it is well worth posting again. -The Editors
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
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