Subtlety is not an option.
Girl on bus: Who are you trick-or-treating with?
13-year-old boy: I'm trick-or-treating with GIRLS!
[Later, explaining]
13YOB: It's like a boys' night out, with girls.
Girl: [in a "blonde" accent] Oh my God, you guys, my birthday is like in three days. And like, I'm getting my prom dress from Nebraska, y'know? It's like... like red, and wrinkled but in a stylish way. But I don't know if I can get it, 'cause it's like $200, and, I just don't know, y'guys...
Math class girl: Oh my God, why do you even do any work in here if you have all these games on the calculator.
Math class boy: Because I wanna go to college.
MCG: That's stupid.
MCB: And get a good job.
MCG: You won't.
MCB: Why?
MCG: You don't know how to.
MCB: You're stupid.
Girl in study hall, talking to a friend: I don't understand how this boy could be cute as f%*^ and boring as hell!
A well-written biography will just light up the world for me.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
The square root of 64 is eight...
Guy 1: Do you know the etymology of that word?
Guy 2: What's that?
Guy 1: It's like, why that word became.
It's almost time! I'm almost out of chocolate!
1: ...No?
2: He said it was too big.
1: Do you realize what you're losing?
2: ...superintendent of schools don't care... do away with the position.
Dyed Blonde Girl: So I have [name] sleeping over at my house tonight. You could come over then, but I dunno if you'd want to...
Guy 2: What's that?
Guy 1: It's like, why that word became.
It's almost time! I'm almost out of chocolate!
1: ...No?
2: He said it was too big.
1: Do you realize what you're losing?
2: ...superintendent of schools don't care... do away with the position.
Dyed Blonde Girl: So I have [name] sleeping over at my house tonight. You could come over then, but I dunno if you'd want to...
Thursday, November 6, 2008
63 Strangers Hugged
[After three-person group hug]
Girl: It's Hug A Stranger Day!
Boy: He's not a stranger!
Girl: I don't know who he is!
Girl: We're just gonna get like a fry.
Guy 1: Barry Manilow's gonna be on my team.
Guy 2: But that's awesome!
Girl 1: So was she in the box?
Girl 2: ... We stopped by the mirror and she pulled out a clump of her hair.
1: I was good at math when...
2: When it was just numbers.
[laughter]
1: They took me out of the dumb class with all my friends and put me in the smart class with all my enemies.
Boy: That's why he's wearing yellow!
Girl: Everybody always wears blue!
1: I wore my Uggs today. I feel special.
2: It's not even that cold out.
1: I usually wear my flip-flops until the second day after it starts snowing.
Can you feel my presence? 'Cause I'm right there. Do you feel it? I'm right there.
Girl: It's Hug A Stranger Day!
Boy: He's not a stranger!
Girl: I don't know who he is!
Girl: We're just gonna get like a fry.
Guy 1: Barry Manilow's gonna be on my team.
Guy 2: But that's awesome!
Girl 1: So was she in the box?
Girl 2: ... We stopped by the mirror and she pulled out a clump of her hair.
1: I was good at math when...
2: When it was just numbers.
[laughter]
1: They took me out of the dumb class with all my friends and put me in the smart class with all my enemies.
Boy: That's why he's wearing yellow!
Girl: Everybody always wears blue!
1: I wore my Uggs today. I feel special.
2: It's not even that cold out.
1: I usually wear my flip-flops until the second day after it starts snowing.
Can you feel my presence? 'Cause I'm right there. Do you feel it? I'm right there.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
62 Smurfs at the Party on Wednesday
These sound bites were in a draft post from a year ago and somehow never got posted. I think they're still good, so I put them up. Enjoy! -Maria
You see that kid with the mohawk?
Yeah?
His twin sister is the Dark Lord of the Northern Regions!
[hysterical laughter]
Random Kid on Bus: Party on Wednesday! Come on, everybody parties on a Wednesday!
[The previous day...]
Bus driver: [honks horn]
RKoB: Woo! You honk at Tony, Tony honks at you! Woo! Come on Tony, let me out, I'll kick his-
So how many people have called you a Smurf today?
Well, there was... [counts on fingers, muttering about the two people in one class, the four people in English class, etc.] Twelve. Twelve people called me a Smurf today.
You're officially a Smurf.
But you don't have the stupid white hat.
I'll try and get one today and bring it it tomorrow. I'll make one out of newspaper.
You see that kid with the mohawk?
Yeah?
His twin sister is the Dark Lord of the Northern Regions!
[hysterical laughter]
Random Kid on Bus: Party on Wednesday! Come on, everybody parties on a Wednesday!
[The previous day...]
Bus driver: [honks horn]
RKoB: Woo! You honk at Tony, Tony honks at you! Woo! Come on Tony, let me out, I'll kick his-
So how many people have called you a Smurf today?
Well, there was... [counts on fingers, muttering about the two people in one class, the four people in English class, etc.] Twelve. Twelve people called me a Smurf today.
You're officially a Smurf.
But you don't have the stupid white hat.
I'll try and get one today and bring it it tomorrow. I'll make one out of newspaper.
Friday, October 17, 2008
61 Possible Relatives
Guy 1: Am I related to you?
Guy 2: Yeah, you probably is; you just don't know it!
Changing Vocal Cords Lad: Shut up! It's not greed, it's hunger!
Senior Guy: Hey everyone, Toga Tuesday! Everyone wear a toga on Tuesday. See if they take it off us all.
Girl: We learned that in like sixth grade.
CVCL: Do you honestly think I remember that, with my bad memory and short attention span?
Guy 2: Yeah, you probably is; you just don't know it!
Changing Vocal Cords Lad: Shut up! It's not greed, it's hunger!
Senior Guy: Hey everyone, Toga Tuesday! Everyone wear a toga on Tuesday. See if they take it off us all.
Girl: We learned that in like sixth grade.
CVCL: Do you honestly think I remember that, with my bad memory and short attention span?
Saturday, September 20, 2008
6T
Teacher 1: What would I do if I wasn't in the middle of the chaos?
Teacher 2: Seriously!
Teacher 1: I would have nothing fun to do in my life.
Changing Vocal Chords Lad (CVCL): Ew! When I tasted it last time it tasted better.
Girl: Maybe they cut out some sugar.
CVCL: They probably did!
Science teacher: House is crazy. I would like to have a doctor like that. And he has absolutely no people skills. I like that.
CVCL: Excuse me, this is a bus, not a nail salon.
Life sucks. And then you die.
Teacher 2: Seriously!
Teacher 1: I would have nothing fun to do in my life.
Changing Vocal Chords Lad (CVCL): Ew! When I tasted it last time it tasted better.
Girl: Maybe they cut out some sugar.
CVCL: They probably did!
Science teacher: House is crazy. I would like to have a doctor like that. And he has absolutely no people skills. I like that.
CVCL: Excuse me, this is a bus, not a nail salon.
Life sucks. And then you die.
59 Teacherly One-Liners and Escalator Guys...
There's no games in biology!
Geography is not destiny, but geography influences destiny.
I don't speak silence.
Live and learn, or die.
Of course you're gonna play me. That's how we are.
It smells like a preschool. Seriously, smell it!
That's all right, you laugh like a girl. Nothing perjorative, girls.
It's multi-tastic.
Yo, Shrek the Third is my [stuff]!
Anne Hutchinson, she's my favorite!
Jamie doesn't sabe!
I say mathemagical because there are some people who are like, "Where do these crazy mathematicians get these things?"
Your cats are cute. Lemme get one.
It's just a concious thing, like how the hundred-dollar wines taste better.
I hate the library! Librarians scare me!
I can tell what a Porsche is!
That [stuff]'s mad goofball, yo, for real.
The end is coming! How exciting!
You don't smell in science.
No, it was the third day. That's when I realized, "Lady, you need some psychological help."
You look like a young Wesley Snipes. It's a good thing.
I'm more of an escalator guy.
Geography is not destiny, but geography influences destiny.
I don't speak silence.
Live and learn, or die.
Of course you're gonna play me. That's how we are.
It smells like a preschool. Seriously, smell it!
That's all right, you laugh like a girl. Nothing perjorative, girls.
It's multi-tastic.
Yo, Shrek the Third is my [stuff]!
Anne Hutchinson, she's my favorite!
Jamie doesn't sabe!
I say mathemagical because there are some people who are like, "Where do these crazy mathematicians get these things?"
Your cats are cute. Lemme get one.
It's just a concious thing, like how the hundred-dollar wines taste better.
I hate the library! Librarians scare me!
I can tell what a Porsche is!
That [stuff]'s mad goofball, yo, for real.
The end is coming! How exciting!
You don't smell in science.
No, it was the third day. That's when I realized, "Lady, you need some psychological help."
You look like a young Wesley Snipes. It's a good thing.
I'm more of an escalator guy.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
58th Anniversary of Friendship
It makes me sick. And I don't like being sick.
I like hangin' out with good people once in a while. I'm always hangin' around with knuckleheads!
Girl, discussing life: I don't care how it began; I don't plan to be here when it ends!
Guy: Throwing a kitten never felt so good!
Girl 1: ...and then we have to go out to dinner because it's our first anniversary of friendship.
Girl 2: [inaudible insult]
Boy: ...I was about to say that, but I'm being polite today.
[later]
Boy: So, if it's your second anniversary of friendship you have to make two cupcakes, and if it's your third anniversary of friendship, you need to make two cupcakes, a cookie, and another cupcake?
I like hangin' out with good people once in a while. I'm always hangin' around with knuckleheads!
Girl, discussing life: I don't care how it began; I don't plan to be here when it ends!
Guy: Throwing a kitten never felt so good!
Girl 1: ...and then we have to go out to dinner because it's our first anniversary of friendship.
Girl 2: [inaudible insult]
Boy: ...I was about to say that, but I'm being polite today.
[later]
Boy: So, if it's your second anniversary of friendship you have to make two cupcakes, and if it's your third anniversary of friendship, you need to make two cupcakes, a cookie, and another cupcake?
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Thinking Ahead...
Little Girl: "He hurt me!"
Police Officer: "What did he do?"
Little Girl: "He stole my test!" (she points to the little boy.) "Now I'm not gonna get into a good college and waise a family, and I'm not gonna be able to study finanin- financin-financal skills. I'm already in first gwade!"
Police Officer: "What did he do?"
Little Girl: "He stole my test!" (she points to the little boy.) "Now I'm not gonna get into a good college and waise a family, and I'm not gonna be able to study finanin- financin-financal skills. I'm already in first gwade!"
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