30 Jack-O-Lanters

I hate really smart people.

Oh, God. If I forgot it I will personally hurt myself.

Mrs. [Teacher] put two Tootsie Rolls on everybody's desk. I got there before everyone and grabbed them all!

...At the end he got sprayed with this poisonous gas by the aliens...

Man in NASCAR jacket: She did meticulous work on this car- [pronounced "cahh"]
Woman: [interrupting] My God, you should see the car! [pronounced "cahh"]

Leap Year: February Days

...find something random to do that's off topic.

It's not going to work. We're not doctors.

No, we're meeting at the college!

They had her on some sort of experimental medication. It detached the cartilage from her nose...

1st voice: Hey you! You with the hair!
[Silence.]
1st voice: Hey you with the hair!
2nd voice: [giggles] I know, right? That's a real good description. Everybody has hair!
1st voice: Hey Steven!

[teacher talking to himself] You're out of the loop, that's all.

[noise of disgust] I shoulda dumped it on her head!

...type in "meat" and turn to page 5. [Pause.] Hey, why's everybody [looking at me]?

I still can't believe you guys hid in my room, out of all places in my house.

All your blood goes to your stomach, which raises your blood pressure.

Days in February

You're dumb but gifted.

You ask the dumbest questions alive.

Make sure it's hot, 'cause I can't eat nothin' cold.

I refuse to get braces. I already had all my teeth fall out.

I hate the smell of refridgerated food. It's like... ew, cold food!

Tventy Svens

...after that random moment...

[girl reading note out loud] Who would you rather go out with: me, the guy behind you, me, or the guy behind me? P.S. Just asking.

I'm never going to ask that question again.

Yo, I had a dream that I didn't have no nails.

Twenty-Six Steakhouses

Boy 1: I'm not going to put up with this tolerance!
Boy 2: Oh, yeah?
Boy 3: Wow. You're not going to put up with this tolerance, huh? That makes a lot of sense.
Boy 1: Shut up, I bet you can't even SPELL tolerance.

{later}

Boy 2: T-O-L-E-
Boy 1: I swear it has two Ls.
Boy 3: I swear you should be quiet.

{sometime later}

Boy 3: The last time I went to American Steakhouse was about three weeks ago.
Boy 1: Oh yeah, and there's Chuck's Steakhouse.
Boy 3: Chopsticks?
Boy 2: Shut up, [name].
Boy 4: Yeah, and there's that other steakhouse...
Boy 2: Yeah, what's it called?
Boy 1: Backyard Steakhouse?
Boy 2: It's OUTBACK steakhouse, you idiot! Not Backyard Steakhouse!
Boy 1: (embarrassed) Shut up!

{and later...}

Boy 3: There's like ten clubs in that bag, we should jump out and steal it!
Boy 2: Is that a lawnmower?
Boy 4: Maybe...
Boy 2: That's not a lawn mower!
Boy 3: That's an AWESOME lawn mower!

{even later still, during a lengthy discussion about Godzilla and whether or not he lays eggs...}

Boy 3: Why would Godzilla attack New York? He's a Chinese idol.

Thanks for the entertainment, Boys 1-4 (sorry we didn't catch everything you said, 4).

Five Times Five is 25

[in math class]
''Hey look what my calculator does. When I press 169:2 it says ''13'' '
*confused*
''Well, maybe it is 13''

...I had 1 more to post but my brother came into the room and I forgot it ...
Oh, well:]

24 (not the show)

I always miss stuff-

Girl 1: Are you coming to the party tonight?
Girl 2: (finishes laughing with another friend) I don't know- I have physical therapy.
Girl 1: Why?
Girl 2: (slightly annoyed) I'm depressed, can't you tell? (Goes back to laughing with friend).

Why would you laugh at a picture?

It smells like mothballs in here!... It smells like mothballs and ham!

I'm so sorry, I forgot the pudding!
Whatever.

(Credit to Lena for the second sound bite!)

23 (Not the movie with Jim Carrey)

I voted you best smile if it makes you feel any better.

I kind of kicked it closer to where it was supposed to be.

I've never been there. I bought a free membership, but I've never been there.

He's so adorable!

...the biggest chin in the world!

I stole that girl's mirror. I feel special.