Sound Bites

90 Misrepresented Girls

2011-09-11T19:46:00.001-04:00

I'm supposedly a go-getter kind of girl… a detail-oriented, always on time person… I wait till the last minute on everything!

89 Ugly and/or Talented Actors

2010-11-02T19:14:00.001-04:00

I'm very good at fake crying. I have to look in the mirror and then I can cry.

88 Rude Little Naïfs

2010-11-02T19:05:00.004-04:00

Pregnant Mom: Slow down a little, I'm not climbing up as fast as you.

Daughter: That's because you're pregnant!

[pause]

Daughter: When I'm pregnant someday, I'm going to climb faster than that.

She sat there with her fork and her finger!

It smelled like something, though, bad.

Girl 1: She's super-pretty. Have you seen her close up?

Girl 2: Yeah, I used to play basketball with her.

87 Reasons to say grace

2010-07-09T11:10:00.004-04:00

Very small girl: Thanks, God, for this ketchup. In Jesus' name.

86 Medium Lies

2010-05-19T18:14:00.009-04:00

Girl on phone: If you honestly think she cooks, that's a lie.

Girl: He's not ugly. He's in the middle.

Female voice over bus radio system: When the light changes, you go, okay?

Mother, with sneezing daughter: [daughter sneezes] God bless. [daughter sneezes] God bless. [daughter sneezes] God bless. [daughter sneezes] Okay enough.

[This next one was really cute at the time. Not sure how well it translates to just text. --Maria]

Mom: Mommy's not looking for that kind of shoe, sweetie. Mommy's looking for black flats. A black, flat kind of shoe.

Little girl: What about this one? It's black, and it's flat!

Girl: I can foil like nobody's business.

Female restaurant patron: You had a lot of girls who were interested in you in the northeast. [laughing] And then you married the Wrong Girl.

Girl in breakfast line: Orange juice is like the water of breakfast. You would die without it.

Girl: Ohmygod I'm sweating from laughing so hard!

1: Trumpet. What are you?

2: [inaudible]

1: Well, not You you.

85 pounds of wasted

2010-05-19T17:01:00.004-04:00

It's covered in nacho cheese. Don't ask.

Woman in restaurant: I'm sorry, I never complain, but I'm 100 pounds and I should be wasted by now. I don't think there's any vodka in this drink.

Waitress: No?

Woman: No. Could you add a little somethin'?

[Later] Thanks for understanding.

84: DRUG drugs?

2010-03-31T23:18:00.003-04:00

Girl in bathroom: So he's trying to keep me away from Tyler...he told me last night that Tyler was getting into drugs lately. So I was like, drug drugs, or like marijuana? And he was like, drug drugs.

83 Arguments Counter to Self-Tanner

2010-02-24T17:57:00.003-05:00

I don't get why everyone thinks they have to look orange to look nice. You end up looking like a cheese nip.

Man in restaurant: I never liked Joanna. She's just one of those people that, every word out of her mouth, is intended to put you down.

Same man: I know he was going on his ultimate sailing trip around the world, and I called him to do his job, and he said he couldn't, and then he said he could do it, but I had already booked someone else. That is my total knowledge of the matter. ...somewhere in the Cook Islands, he said.

82: Maddie's first sound bite... ever.

2010-01-08T01:35:00.003-05:00

At a concert with loud screaming fans and one singer with his bad. This is 4 girls talking.

Girl 1: Wait... umm... why does Nick's voice sound so funny while he's talking!?

Girl 2: Umm... I don't know... maybe hes.... (loud screaming surrounds) stoned?!

Girl 1: Wait... did you just say that he is STONED!!!!?!?

Girl 2: No... I said that maybe he has a cold.

Girl 1: Oh...

The next two girls are talking a few rows over...

Girl 3: and yea... so we were living in China for a while... but we just moved back a little while ago.

Girl 4: so wait... are your two baby girls Chinese-American!?

Girl 3: Nopee... they arent Chinese-American... but i can CERTAINLY tell you that my second daughter was MADE in China.

81 feats of amazing strength and tonsorial skill

2009-12-29T00:33:00.007-05:00

I could lift you with one eye tied behind my back.

I'm about to go spray some Fabulous in someone's face... It wouldn't be so fabulous, would it....

Guy with mohawk ponytail: I'm actually gonna shave the top of it, but I'm gonna rat-tail it and dread the rest of it.

80 Child-Proofed Lollipops

2009-11-25T16:13:00.010-05:00

Girl: He can't just dance. He has to have it choreographed for him.

Girl, failing at opening candy wrapper: Are these child-proofed?

Parent: It's like, kids, wait 'til you're older and you have more things to carry.

Why don't they just serve everyone corn and get it over with?

Guy: Hello?! It's my tongue. I want to keep it in my mouth.

Boy staring at a cracker: That's disgusting... He licked it and.... That's disgusting.... (eats cracker)

Chatty art class student: My dad tears whenever I pluck his eyebrows. They are so long they go all the way into his eyes!

Person with British accent: Shall i drop it like it's hot?

79 Shutdowns

2009-10-17T19:35:00.014-04:00

Girl 1: [shouting] Get a room!

Girl 2: They won't be lovers when they go to night school together.

Guy: I can pretty much smell when it's Sunday. Every Sunday, it just smells like Sunday.

If in doubt, just hold hands and scream.

I'm the worst thing that ever happened to me. I always get in the way of things.

Girl: Like, I think even I looked stupid that night.

Not only do I get a pleasure from it, it's distracting me from my work!

Overbearing Mother: Well if you don't like anything there's no point in staring at these shoes!

It's like, You can't think of a lie that Doesn't cost money?

78 Not-so-subtle subtleties

2009-10-06T16:31:00.011-04:00

Is that what you call tact? You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back.

I'm looking for somebody but I dunno who.

Music Teacher: Was that hard?

Girl 1: Yeah! Everything looks the same when you're hungry! Everything looks like Do.

Girl 2: That was a corny joke.

Girl 1: I'm serious!

Girl: ...all you had to do was keep your mouth shut. Can you imagine? [audio lost] And there were like twenty suicides.

Girl: Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!

77 Words of advice that come but too late

2009-09-28T22:21:00.006-04:00

Thanks, respectively, to Mom and Tony. --Maria

Sullen employee regarding unsatisfactory break room conditions: Ain't got no more juice down there. Gotta wash that cheese down with spit.

NO, JOHN! DO NOT SHOOT THE BAZOOKA AT THE GIANT MOSQUITO IN THE HOUSE!

76 Trombones & Whiskey

2009-09-06T18:47:00.006-04:00

Woman speaking loudly into a phone to be heard: Listen, Ma, remember? The mailman used to keep a bottle of whiskey in the green mailbox. ...wha? No, Ma, when I was little."

Person 1: We're back!
Person 2: You left??

Woman (in April): I got so drunk that the bouncer... The bouncer had to carry me out on his shoulder, dropped me on top of my car, and left me there. I used to drink a lot, because you know Blueberry....

Person 1: I'm not trying to make it weird, it's just that you're not blonde.
Person 2: Do I look blonde?
Person 1: No...

75 Reasons to never, ever be hard of hearing

2009-09-06T15:47:00.009-04:00

This soundbite was contributed by Larry Tusunami, a good friend. Larry provides background for this story: He was in a radiology facility and in the next room, an elderly woman was receiving an explanation of things she had to do after her x-ray. However, she was hard of hearing, so it was necessary for the explainers to raise their voices considerably. --Maria

Woman, speaking quite loudly: REMEMBER, YOUR URINE IS RADIOACTIVE. WHEN YOU URINATE, DO NOT GET ANY ON YOURSELF, OR ELSE THE TEST WILL COME UP POSITIVE, BUT IT'LL BE FALSE.
ALSO, YOU'RE RADIOACTIVE. MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GO NEAR ANY PREGNANT WOMEN OR INFANTS.

74 Dead playwrights who must find another bathroom location

2009-08-31T00:33:00.004-04:00

Girl: P.S., the cupcakes I made...

Girl: Shakespeare, don't pee on anything!

Kid: My dad has to wear high heels...

Guy: How did that happen?
Girl, on her phone: They're in a jail.

(7) 3 Norwegian bachelors carrying the damn pizzas

2009-08-08T18:23:00.007-04:00

Old man bloviating in restaurant on Cape Cod (OMBIROCC): The only people who qualified [for Medicare] were three Norwegian bachelors in North Dakota, and suddenly eighty million people...

Derisive Woman in CVS: ...then you break your wrist wrestling?! That doesn't make any sense!

OMBIROCC: If you pay for it, they will eat it!

Man to Woman, in CVS (confidentially): Part of this is his willingness to do that in front of everybody...the kids...total disregard...

OMBIROCC: They had taken every single thing [from the silverware drawer] upstairs, (dramatic pause), and cleaned it! [said in a manner to convey the shockingness of the aforementioned action]

Girl: You drank garlic with orange juice in it?
Guy: Yeah...orange juice with garlic in it. Other way around.

Woman on a Phone: Are ya, are ya kidding? They were s'posed to use a dustless machine...oh really?

Hassled Woman (Who Might Be Named Debbie) To Her Elderly Mother: If you're going to make me drive the car up, just give me the damn pizzas!

Boy 1: You stepped on a perfectly nice sandcastle!
Boy 2: You stepped on a perfectly nice person!

72

2009-07-01T21:31:00.005-04:00

What? Forgot to pay the gravity bill?

Boy 1: What did you have for breakfast?
Boy 2: You know, chips, pancakes, waffles, some mouthwash, the usual.

I got, like, an F in 3D!

Man: ...but only if it's soured rubber!
Woman: It is!

Woman on Metro-North: And I said, "Chris, I'm gonna come to your house for all my grocery needs!" [chuckle]

Boy: Three out of my four wallets feature unicorns.

It was nondescript. It wasn't bad, it was just nondescript.
[later]
We were stunning, weren't we.

That was the funniest darn thing. Not appropriate, but funny.

Cranky Arthur Avenue shopowner: I can't pull a pizza out of my hat. These people think I can pull a pizza out of my hat.

71 Startling New Updates

2009-05-15T18:13:00.004-04:00

Yeah, everyone's evil these days.

You make me want to go--again.

I tend to like books where the main character has insomnia. Mark of genius.

Girl 1: Guess what? I have a startling new update!
Girl 2: On our drama?
Girl 1: Yeah! Guess what I think her name is?

Let's go! ...We're totally opposite right now.

Guy: I like [Name]. He's cool.
Girl: Yeah, he's cool. He's funny. He reminds me of a banana.

Girl: I swear, old people get on my last nerve!
Unrelated person: Liar! Liar! Liar!

You don't swear in front of short people.

They're actually better-looking in person.

1: Why are you gonna drink coffee?
2: 'Cause it seems like a good idea.
1: [laughs]

70 Things that are more important than you

2009-03-16T19:57:00.003-04:00

I have places to be and naps to take.

Sophomore year is so dramatizing.

It smells like delicious somethings. I'd like some.

69 Truth-Finders

2009-03-04T17:35:00.003-05:00

Wait - I told her not to tell you the thing that I told her about you! That b****!

You're telling me that NOW? Before the PROM? But I already bought a new BRA!

...But honestly, Jackie*, you're just not that pretty. And you're not very bright. Now, don't you feel better that we've had this talk?

Girl1: So you're saying you had nothing to do with this?
Girl2: Yes!
Girl1: Nothing at all?
Girl2: Yes!
Girl1: But she said you did!
Girl2: I didn't!
Girl1: So let's clarify, you're saying you DIDN'T take my waffles?
Girl2: Nope, I took 'em.
Girl1: *confused look*
Girl2: Yeah, I lied. Sue me. They were good, too. Blueberry.

Boy: So tomorrow I'm -
Girl: Going to Vermont.
Boy: How did you know that?
Girl: Just a...guess. Whatever it is you're thinking, just know that I DIDN'T tap your phone.

Chicknumero1: Yeah, he's (her boyfriend) a REALLY good kisser.
Chick numero2: Yeah, I know, right?
Chicknumero1: Um...you...huh?

68 Life-Loving Wasps

2009-02-20T22:58:00.007-05:00

I swear I'm not talking about you. Even though I'm pointing at you, it doesn't mean anything.

He is so game on!

You have a lot of love of life for a wasp.

You sound pretty scourged at the moment.

Why don't you use biobuthenal? Then you can make all the noise you want!

1: He loves to eat, right?
2: Yeah, that's one of the good things about him. A bike ride would be a great idea.

Wouldn't it be funny if you died on a Monday?

It looked nice on the dummy, but it doesn't look nice on me.

Why would I have chocolate at a time like this?

67 Ambiguous Sentences

2009-01-26T21:59:00.006-05:00

My mom just got pregnant when she had her baby.

She really wants to know.
She'll find out some day. She'll be quiet.

Ooh, I'm so scared of [name]... big ol' box of [name].

First of all you're drooling... and it's metal... it takes a good half hour... and then another good half hour.

Guy 1: But I can't tell you the story!
Guy 2: Just tell me the story or I'll hurt you.
Guy 1: No! It involves you! I can't tell you the story!
[Pause.]
Guy 1: [Name] knows the story.
Guy 2: Tell me the story!

1: He pushed the button for the stop sign instead of for the yellow flasher.
2: [inaudible]
1: And Bill didn't have his glasses today...

Mythical beings live inside my water bottle.

1: This one only has two strings.
2: That's what I said.
1: No, I thought you said, "Nah, never mind."

66 Knights of the Round Table

2009-01-04T13:45:00.003-05:00

[Before Spamalot begins]
Dad: The password is "the knights who say ni!"
Son: I'm typing it in!
Dad: [musing] How do you spell "ni"? N... I...

[On the train]
Man: ... that and the fact that you're not blood related?
Woman: And I didn't grow up in the South.
Man: Yeah.

Man: (It's like the) days of the Amish when you just have to memorize phone numbers.

When I'm 65?

2008-11-23T20:36:00.005-05:00

Subtlety is not an option.

Girl on bus: Who are you trick-or-treating with?
13-year-old boy: I'm trick-or-treating with GIRLS!
[Later, explaining]
13YOB: It's like a boys' night out, with girls.

Girl: [in a "blonde" accent] Oh my God, you guys, my birthday is like in three days. And like, I'm getting my prom dress from Nebraska, y'know? It's like... like red, and wrinkled but in a stylish way. But I don't know if I can get it, 'cause it's like $200, and, I just don't know, y'guys...

Math class girl: Oh my God, why do you even do any work in here if you have all these games on the calculator.
Math class boy: Because I wanna go to college.
MCG: That's stupid.
MCB: And get a good job.
MCG: You won't.
MCB: Why?
MCG: You don't know how to.
MCB: You're stupid.

Girl in study hall, talking to a friend: I don't understand how this boy could be cute as f%*^ and boring as hell!

A well-written biography will just light up the world for me.

The square root of 64 is eight...

2008-11-16T22:32:00.004-05:00

Guy 1: Do you know the etymology of that word?
Guy 2: What's that?
Guy 1: It's like, why that word became.

It's almost time! I'm almost out of chocolate!

1: ...No?
2: He said it was too big.

1: Do you realize what you're losing?
2: ...superintendent of schools don't care... do away with the position.

Dyed Blonde Girl: So I have [name] sleeping over at my house tonight. You could come over then, but I dunno if you'd want to...

63 Strangers Hugged

2008-11-06T00:04:00.004-05:00

[After three-person group hug]
Girl: It's Hug A Stranger Day!
Boy: He's not a stranger!
Girl: I don't know who he is!

Girl: We're just gonna get like a fry.

Guy 1: Barry Manilow's gonna be on my team.
Guy 2: But that's awesome!

Girl 1: So was she in the box?
Girl 2: ... We stopped by the mirror and she pulled out a clump of her hair.

1: I was good at math when...
2: When it was just numbers.
[laughter]
1: They took me out of the dumb class with all my friends and put me in the smart class with all my enemies.

Boy: That's why he's wearing yellow!
Girl: Everybody always wears blue!

1: I wore my Uggs today. I feel special.
2: It's not even that cold out.
1: I usually wear my flip-flops until the second day after it starts snowing.

Can you feel my presence? 'Cause I'm right there. Do you feel it? I'm right there.

62 Smurfs at the Party on Wednesday

2008-10-18T16:53:00.003-04:00

These sound bites were in a draft post from a year ago and somehow never got posted. I think they're still good, so I put them up. Enjoy! -Maria

You see that kid with the mohawk?
Yeah?
His twin sister is the Dark Lord of the Northern Regions!
[hysterical laughter]

Random Kid on Bus: Party on Wednesday! Come on, everybody parties on a Wednesday!

[The previous day...]
Bus driver: [honks horn]
RKoB: Woo! You honk at Tony, Tony honks at you! Woo! Come on Tony, let me out, I'll kick his-

So how many people have called you a Smurf today?
Well, there was... [counts on fingers, muttering about the two people in one class, the four people in English class, etc.] Twelve. Twelve people called me a Smurf today.
You're officially a Smurf.
But you don't have the stupid white hat.
I'll try and get one today and bring it it tomorrow. I'll make one out of newspaper.

61 Possible Relatives

2008-10-17T22:18:00.006-04:00

Guy 1: Am I related to you?
Guy 2: Yeah, you probably is; you just don't know it!

Changing Vocal Cords Lad: Shut up! It's not greed, it's hunger!

Senior Guy: Hey everyone, Toga Tuesday! Everyone wear a toga on Tuesday. See if they take it off us all.

Girl: We learned that in like sixth grade.
CVCL: Do you honestly think I remember that, with my bad memory and short attention span?

6T

2008-09-20T22:33:00.004-04:00

Teacher 1: What would I do if I wasn't in the middle of the chaos?
Teacher 2: Seriously!
Teacher 1: I would have nothing fun to do in my life.

Changing Vocal Chords Lad (CVCL): Ew! When I tasted it last time it tasted better.
Girl: Maybe they cut out some sugar.
CVCL: They probably did!

Science teacher: House is crazy. I would like to have a doctor like that. And he has absolutely no people skills. I like that.

CVCL: Excuse me, this is a bus, not a nail salon.

Life sucks. And then you die.

59 Teacherly One-Liners and Escalator Guys...

2008-09-20T21:26:00.005-04:00

There's no games in biology!

Geography is not destiny, but geography influences destiny.

I don't speak silence.

Live and learn, or die.

Of course you're gonna play me. That's how we are.

It smells like a preschool. Seriously, smell it!

That's all right, you laugh like a girl. Nothing perjorative, girls.

It's multi-tastic.

Yo, Shrek the Third is my [stuff]!

Anne Hutchinson, she's my favorite!

Jamie doesn't sabe!

I say mathemagical because there are some people who are like, "Where do these crazy mathematicians get these things?"

Your cats are cute. Lemme get one.

It's just a concious thing, like how the hundred-dollar wines taste better.

I hate the library! Librarians scare me!

I can tell what a Porsche is!

That [stuff]'s mad goofball, yo, for real.

The end is coming! How exciting!

You don't smell in science.

No, it was the third day. That's when I realized, "Lady, you need some psychological help."

You look like a young Wesley Snipes. It's a good thing.

I'm more of an escalator guy.

58th Anniversary of Friendship

2008-09-14T10:55:00.004-04:00

It makes me sick. And I don't like being sick.

I like hangin' out with good people once in a while. I'm always hangin' around with knuckleheads!

Girl, discussing life: I don't care how it began; I don't plan to be here when it ends!

Guy: Throwing a kitten never felt so good!

Girl 1: ...and then we have to go out to dinner because it's our first anniversary of friendship.
Girl 2: [inaudible insult]
Boy: ...I was about to say that, but I'm being polite today.
[later]
Boy: So, if it's your second anniversary of friendship you have to make two cupcakes, and if it's your third anniversary of friendship, you need to make two cupcakes, a cookie, and another cupcake?

Thinking Ahead...

2008-09-03T21:26:00.003-04:00

Little Girl: "He hurt me!"
Police Officer: "What did he do?"
Little Girl: "He stole my test!" (she points to the little boy.) "Now I'm not gonna get into a good college and waise a family, and I'm not gonna be able to study finanin- financin-financal skills. I'm already in first gwade!"

56 Little Lads

2008-08-30T01:06:00.006-04:00

Girl: Can I cut your hair?
Guy 1: No! Whenever people cut my hair I either end up looking like Star Wars or the little lad who likes berries and cream.
[later]
Girl: Weren't you paying attention?
Guy 1: I have ADD. Pardon my ADD.

Guy 2: Every time I go on MySpace she's in love with a different person.

Freshman: Ow! You stepped on my football toe!

55 Dentist Patients Agree

2008-07-29T01:45:00.001-04:00

apple should make an iphone shuffle that phones random people.
haha Yes!!!!!!!!! the phone itself should be cheap because you would use ur mintutes up and need more because you talk to so many random people and talk to the ones you also want to talk to..if you ever get a hold of them.

[Note: this was originally posted in a comment by Caitlin on July 26, 2007- we just never got around to posting it.]

54 Non-Existent Brain Cells

2008-07-11T23:09:00.002-04:00

Guy 1: I don't even have any brain cells.
Guy 2: [affronted] Since when did I have any brain cells?! You knew me in middle school.

Guy: I didn't talk to you!
Girl: You be actin' like a [darn] girl, yo! Can't understand you.

If you can avoid them and all of us, then you deserve to...

53 Dentists Agree...

2008-07-11T22:33:00.005-04:00

SCENE: Breakfast time in the "dining room" (a room with those folding tables and chairs in it) of a Best Western motel in northern Vermont. A gaggle of older teenage girls, who are there because of some athletic thing, are talking loudly at the corner table of the room. They don't notice that every single other person in the room is listening in to their amusing (if somewhat airheaded) conversation, for lack of anything else more interesting. One "soccer girl" (hey, they seemed like soccer girls to us) gives us this intelligent-sounding argument on oral hygiene:

SOCCER GIRL: Once when {guy's name} stayed over at my parent's house he forgot his toothbrush, so I was just like whatever, use mine. I'm okay with him using my toothbrush because I make out with him all the time. But if you [motions to friend sitting by, listening attentively] wanted to use my toothbrush, I would be totally grossed out. Because, like, I don't make out with you on a daily basis.

LATER.
It is impossible to tell you who said what in this next section, as there were around seven or eight girls all talking at once, so you'll have to use your imaginations, boys and girls!

Do you like shellfish?
I don't do shellfish.
Yeah, I like clams, but I don't do mussels or oysters.
I LOVE mussels!
What's shellfish?
It's anything that, like, its home is a shell.
Oh.
I love oysters!
Aren't there like, harmful bacteria in oysters?
They're served raw.
You don't like, cook them or anything?
They put some sauce on them, but you just slurp them down.
Can't you, like, drown the oyster?
[Old man over at the next table, who has been reading the newspaper all this time, starts laughing outright, along with everyone else eavesdropping in the room.]
No, they die when they come into the air.
Oh! I was like, how do you drown an oyster?

52 Screaming Parade-Goers

2008-05-26T17:22:00.007-04:00

Nice healthy breakfast- lemonade and popcorn.

Old lady: ...a man's voice saying, "Are you expecting bags?" and I said, "Yes," and he said, "I'm right outside your house!"

He's got this fear of cranes at the moment so he was pulling me in the opposite direction.

Hassled parent: I'm gonna hold your hands like this. Just don't grab my neck!
[later] If you stop screaming I'll get you a snowcone in five minutes.

There's a ringleader somewhere. Depends on where it is.

Guy 1: [burps for three seconds straight]
Guy 2: High five!

I don't jump, I run.

When you talk, evil comes out. Bad breath!

51 Persperating Spider Monkeys

2008-05-23T12:12:00.005-04:00

I'm sweating like a spider monkey over here. [pauses] That made no sense at all, but whatever.

1: Wait, how were people formed?
2: I dunno, from bacteria or something.
1: Ew.
2: [laughs]
1: I just know the Bible version.
2: Yeah, me too.

He did these magic tricks and [stuff], you know, in public.

I share a gym locker with [Girl's Name] and when I got there this morning my clothes were folded.

Gold Anniversary- 50 Posts! That's Freakin' Expensive!

2008-04-25T23:03:00.010-04:00

Teacher 1: Are you making fun of vertically challenged people?
Obese Teacher: I'm horizontally challenged!

Girl with camera: I think I'm gonna die. It's showing up in like all my pictures today.

See, I didn't have that liberty, so...

Guy 1: [to Guy 2] You most certainly are a frog.

Girl: [to Guy 2] You're a lady?

Guy 2: I'm a frog lady!

The notes he wants us to take are so bogus it's stupid.

Lemme think, fridge, Sarah... is that right?

No, he gave me a sandwich. He said, "Here"...

...front row seats were only $41. But for this Mayhem concert, lawn tickets are like freakin' $76! That's freakin' expensive!

Girl 1: My dog is amazing and your dog is ugly.

Girl 2: Don't ever say that again.

That's one of the reasons I'm not on YouTube.

1: ...so basically she tricked us.

2: ...go to her funeral?

I can't say you're more than that because the reality is, you're not.

I actually turned off the lights because I was scared!

I've never seen someone look so much like you.

1: Wait, which one's pound?

2: The one that doesn't have the star on it.

And for the grand finale... the epic tale of crowd surfing! I wrote all of this down sitting in front of some guy on a bus. -Maria

I wanted to do it a second time, so I went up to these two big muscular dudes and said, "Hey, can you put me up on the stage?"... [they said]"one, two, three, and you jump." So one dude had one foot and the other guy had the other foot and... one, two, three, and they threw me as hard as they could. I flew over about 20 feet of crowd over the people who were s'posed to catch me, and onto the heads of some, like, unsuspecting people.

Today the Muffin Man is 49 years old.

2008-04-25T12:17:00.008-04:00

Guy on bus: [to friend] You know how I got a referral from him? Muffin! [imitating voice] "You go get that muffin, you're going to Mr. C.!" [as himself] I don't care, I want the muffin!

Same guy on bus: [a few minutes later in the ride] Honestly... I don't care about it... I just want to make a big deal out of it.*

Girl in hallway: [to friend] ...my posture will change and everything will be fine.

Drama Kid: FANFARE!!!
Kid from other side of stage: Fanfare!
Someone else in the auditorium: ...fanfare!
Another person: Fanfare!

*The quote of the month is the second sound bite listed in this post. It is a great demonstration of the institution of adolesence. I know we posted it before, but it is well worth posting again. -The Editors

48 Jaded Juniors

2008-04-01T10:39:00.003-04:00

Honestly, I don't care about it-- I just feel like making a big deal out of it.

47 Peanut M&Ms that don't got no peanuts

2008-03-19T21:25:00.006-04:00

I hate the M&M peanuts when they don't got no peanuts in 'em!

This looks severely cool.

It was sooo fun! I was sooo scared but it was sooo much fun! I went with...

Girl: Mister, I was at Cosco yesterday and it was windy and my song blew away.
Person: How did your song blow away?
Girl: It was windy and the words blew away.

But miss, chocolate milk makes me crazy!

Girl 1: He's cute. In a very fierce way.
Girl 2: Fierce!

Girl: [screams]
People in hall: [stare]
Girl: That wasn't me, that was my neighbor!

Girl 1: No one can fix things like Cindy can.
Girl 2: Then tell Cindy to fix it!
Girl 1: I will!
Girl 2: Okay!

Girl 1: I had to babysit until three in the morning once.
Girl 2: When did you start?
Girl 1: At like six. I fell asleep on the couch.
[...later in the conversation...]
Girl 1: I raided the fridge and everrything. I always eat their food. They have like this giant candy drawer.

[I know we rarely credit sound bites to their sources, but this one I just had to name.]
Pat Buchanan: [stating the obvious on a news show] The winner, if he does not win, loses!

Okay, um, just tell me how to get into the garage.

THAT'S a boy! EW!

Guy talking to another guy who is halfway down the hallway: I got a zero out of 36... no, I got a zero out of 46... either way, it's still a zero.

[SCENE: two boys are heading to go down a staircase]
Boy 1: She's innocent!
Boy 2: No, she's not!
Boy 1: She wasn't laughing!
Boy 2: That's just the way she is!
[...audio momentarily lost...]
Boy 2: She gotta stop playing innocent!
[...audio lost again...]
Boy 1: Yes she is!
Boy 2: No she isn't!
[This continues until they are out of earshot.]

WGNX 46 Features news, weather, sports, community events, and contests.

2008-02-17T11:45:00.007-05:00

Tollbooth Worker on her phone: ...just slow down and don't smoke as much!

Oh, dear God, worst situation EVER!

Guy: She's gonna pick me up and she's gonna drop me off and I'm rapping all the way down the hallway, y'all!

Girl, speaking earnestly: My stomach was hurting so bad so my mom eliminated soy from my diet.

Guy trying to sound smart: That's a bit of an oxymoron. Kind of...

Girl, listening to a song: I wish I knew what she was saying! I would be singing this song every day! Argh! It makes me so mad!

Security Guard talking to some boys in the hallway: You don't need that no more. It's all about reputation, you know what I'm sayin'?

OOH! Hand cramp, yo!

Girl 1: ...you smell like opium.
Girl 2: She said that to her FRIEND?!

Number 45, CMT Style

2008-02-09T15:20:00.001-05:00

"Let's see how many people interrupt us."
"Put that down."
"How YOU Doing?"
"That, too."

"Focus on your visual concentration."
"I'll add specific details."
"You have to sort of fill it in here."
"So, put in some quotes?"
"Don't ask me."
"She says the same."
"She's a smart student."
"This is fine, can we make this..."
"Change it from a hypothetical to an actual example."

[For those who don't know, the CMT is a standardized test administered to Connecticut students from grades 3-8.]

44 is a Happy Number

2008-01-30T20:35:00.000-05:00

Woman talking on cell phone: They should do a reality show on your life. [pause] It would be entitled, "It doesn't have to be this way."

The following sound bite was overheard by the Blogger user "a thinker". -Maria
Guy one (behind us) - How do you reckon people developed number systems. 'Cause I really like the number 3, so I'm trying to find the origin of numbers and letters.
Guy two - Well, the number three is obviously just a "W" in disguise.

Year A.D. 43 Started on a Tuesday!

2008-01-25T22:05:00.000-05:00

Girl, talking on cell phone: Do you have tweezers at your house? [listens] 'Cause I gotta pluck my eyebrows!

Boy: [sings] All my friends say of course it's gonna get better.
Girl: Oh my god! That song was stuck in my head when I was walking away.

Girl: Who fails all their tests? [Her name] does!

Girl 1: ...Scotch tape.
Girl 2: Scotch tape?
Girl 3: Why would you use that?
Girl 1: My boyfriend...

Guy 1: Do you want to go to the library?
Guy 2: I don't wanna go to the library 'cause we have to be quiet and I don't feel like being quiet.

Guy, pointing out places on girl's face: ... patch of redness here, a patch of redness here, and a patch of redness here.

Girl: She's smart, she's just not a good teacher!
Teacher: I thought you liked her! Oh! Then I'm not going to be in on your running joke on her!

Student 1: How did you do?
Student 2: Awesome! It was the easiest test of life!

FORTY-TWO SECONDS are better than first helpings. havent you heard?

2008-01-18T16:49:00.000-05:00

"SO THEN I SAID THATS MY POODLE THATS MY LITTLE SISTER"

Girl one: "Why are you on the floor asleep?"
Girl Dos: "So Martin Luther's wife will not be offended"

"Latin reminds me of harry potter. NOX. FACIO. right?!"
"yes then later you could have carpe diem, harry potter tatooed on your pelvis later."

"I SAID I WANT BRUNCH. GOD #@%$@!"

"I can't eat seeds."

41 People Not At All Trying to Look Fresh

2008-01-17T16:19:00.000-05:00

The following sound bites were overheard on two different days with the same people talking. -Maria

Girl 1: It looks like you tried to look fresh today.
Girl 2: No, not at all.

Girl 1 [to friends]: Ew, that sucks!
Girl 2: You know, she heard you.
Girl 1: Sorry, miss. It's not you; it's your class.
Teacher: That's okay; I don't take anything personal.
Girl 1 [to friends]: She knows I love this class.

40 Forces of Nature

2008-01-13T10:51:00.000-05:00

We haven't really been able to post anything since December due to illness, lack of usable sound bites from the holidays, and extreme busy-ness. So here are a whole bunch of sound bites to keep you occupied. -Maria

...and that means tomorrow, and the next day, and forever!

Ensemble Chair: You will need to wear a dark-colored tie.
Baritone: Like black?

Boy: I disagree with you about that being hot.
Girl: So what do you think is hot, Shakespeare?
(Note: I believe the girl was addressing the guy as "Shakespeare" rather than suggesting he thought Shakespeare was hot.)

Excitable senior girl: Ask her if we can ask people in their twenties to go. 'Cause I can get a whole bunch of people in their twenties!

Girl, shouting: I hate it when guys wear pink! I hate it!

He's so funny, yo. He's just stupid.

Annoyed teen girl: Stop looking at me and smiling like you're my husband!

Mrs. ___ looks like a chicken wing... then I think of chicken patties and I get hungry!

Same kid, in math class: Chuck Norris doesn't do math, math does Chuck Norris! I made that right now; I thought it was pretty funny.

What, a vacuum? What the [ffff noise]?

Guy 1: Just give me thirty minutes after school. I have to shave.
Guy 2: It takes you thirty minutes to shave?
Guy 1: No, I have to shower, too.

Girl: I'll help you clean your room if you give me a pair of gloves.
Friend: [laughs]
Girl: No, I'm serious.

[Obviously freezing guys getting on the bus]
1: So, it's pretty warm out today.
2: Toasty warm.

Girl: ...go to the stables and ride many horses.

Teacher: Chocolate rules. There's nothing better than chocolate.
Student: Yes, there is: vanilla.
Teacher: No. No way.

I had to throw 'im off to get your number! ... He had to make money. Money come first. [sic]

Girl: I kinda set my house on fire this morning.

[Talking about "Jane"]
Girl: Do you like her mom?
Boy: I love her mom! I love her mom more than I love Jane.

I know she envies me... but she doesn't have to look at me all the time like, do I have something on my face?

Guy I: My mind and my body started shutting down because it was tiring! I had to run around the track four times!
Guy II: Was it bigger than [school name]'s track?
Guy I: No, it wasn't bigger. It was shorter, but it was longer. It wasn't bigger.

39 Angry People

2007-12-10T13:42:00.000-05:00

You cough on me, I'm'a cough right back on you, man!

[Spanish teacher on a rant] If you act like a two-year-old, you will get a two-year-old paycheck which is an F.

[guy looking at something- a camera, I think- with his friend] ...this is the one who said she liked my dad; this is the one...

[after gym class] I feel like an old man.

Price of dog:$38. Its ability to eat lightbulbs: Priceless.

2007-12-01T13:52:00.001-05:00

So I'm guessing you won't be wanting this peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

I swear, if her mom wasn't like my best friend, I wouldn't be friends with her!

Every time I go to [town name], I run over a rabbit... I go over a bump and I'm like (makes sad face).

Katelyn, that was you laughing? I thought that was a dog barking!

Exasperated Boy, observing two people horsing around loudly: Can you kill each other in silence? Can you turn it down to foghorn level?!
One of the two girls horsing around: You don't have to yell!

Peppy Girl: I'm really stoked!
Girl happening to walk by: Should I go get my fleece?
GHTWB's friend: Yeah.
GHTWB: Yeah, let's go.

Yo, every day we come in with a different story!

Are you going to get a tattoo when you're older?

Regain control of your limbs, man!

Wait, your little dog or your big one?
The little one.
Wait, the little one? But your little one's like this big! {holds fingers apart about three inches} How could it possibly eat a light bulb?

37 Terracotta Bananas

2007-12-01T13:36:00.000-05:00

[NOTE: These bites are placed together in chronological order from one bus ride. The same colors in different sound bites indicate that the same person is talking. As usual, different fonts indicate a different conversation. Enjoy! :)]

Someone stole my phone again, but this time I don't know how.

You can't hang up!
Yes I can, it's your phone!

Actually, I don't like rain at all. I got mentally scarred by rain.
How?
Girl Scout camp. [I] had to walk a mile in the downpour. By the time we got back to the bus, we were like swimming in a lake.

It's funny, each song sounds the same, but they have a different style.

I like this song because it's so stupid. (starts singing) BA na na BA na na TER RA COT TA BA na na BA na na!

I wonder if he's going to rise up from his grave.

36 Unwanted Llamas

2007-11-20T21:25:00.000-05:00

Oh, no! It ain't the cheesy kind, is it?

Guy in high school lobby: Make way for the king, ladies and gentlemen! And I don't mean me, I mean Chuck Norris!

Yo, I just got a big bag of Mentos. I'm unstoppable!... pretty much. For now.

[hysterical laughter throughout] How do you tap-dance and feed a llama at the same time? [later] How do you tell a llama you don't like him anymore? "I don't like llamas anymore!" [hysterical shrieks]

[Two girls discussing a school project]
1: You can't take care of a baby! You can't even take care of yourself!
2: That's mean! That's mean!
1: No, it's not!
2: I could too!
1: [skeptically] Okay...

Person 1: It's my favorite book cover in the world!
Person 2: Obviously you have no life if you have a favorite book cover.
Person 1: You can write on it!

Why, what color is your house?
I don't know, everyone says it's brown but I think it's blue.

Kid, pointing to confetti: Mom, look! A napkin! Mom, look! A napkin!
Mom: Oh my gravy!

35 Little Girls Running

2007-11-15T20:48:00.000-05:00

i know havent been on lately
but i still love the creators of this blog.

yesterday a little girl was running around the christmas tree shop with a whisk screaming "FREE ENGLAND!"

it was amazing.

34th of November

2007-11-13T19:03:00.000-05:00

Dude shouting at other dude, eventually getting his attention: Hammer! Hammer! Hammer! Bring your guitar!

If they had cameras in there, I would've been arrested a long time ago.

Guy 1: Dude! I haven't seen you in like friggin' forever!
Guy 2: I was just saying that!
Guy 1: I love you, man.
Guy 2: Is that a new haircut?
Guy 1: Yeah.
Guy 2: Looks fresh.

33, ya know what I'm sayin'?

2007-11-08T17:34:00.000-05:00

Girl muttering angrily to her friend: [Her own high school's name], Home of the FAKES.

I think I'll just stay here. For the rest of the day, forever.

They can't kick you out the day of the play!

She called me her lamb chop.

..."So you knew about it?" and I was like, "Yeah," and he was like, "Why didn't you tell me? I saw you today," and I was like, "I dunno!"

Miss, I just don't like hair.

32 Disney Animals

2007-11-07T19:01:00.000-05:00

Girl 1: *showing friend baby picture*
Girl 2: You know what you look like in this picture?
Girl 1: What?
Girl 2: You look like the green M&M.

*Laughter*

Boy 1: *patronizingly* No, {name}, that's what you don't say.
Girl 2: *in her best comeback mode* No, that's what you don't say.

[somewhat later, maybe half a minute, more or less]

Girl 3: ...and I was dancing around the room *demonstrates* cleaning the dish.
Girl 2: Like Cinderella?

*General laughs*

Girl 3: *singing, albeit somewhat badly* Cin-der-elly, Cin-der-elly!
Girl 2: *sounding a bit personally offended* Why in every fairytale do they decide to clean and there's always a song going on, you know?

*General assent*

Girl 2: Like in Snow White, when she starts cleaning there be mad animals popping out, right?

*Nods, laughter*

Thirty One

2007-11-02T21:59:00.000-04:00

Do I look stupid?
Yeah, but so do a lot of people.

Girl: So why are you and him best friends?
Guy: Because we both share an incredible amount of historical knowledge.

What did you buy?
Em-pe-nad-as.

30 Jack-O-Lanters

2007-10-31T21:24:00.000-04:00

I hate really smart people.

Oh, God. If I forgot it I will personally hurt myself.

Mrs. [Teacher] put two Tootsie Rolls on everybody's desk. I got there before everyone and grabbed them all!

...At the end he got sprayed with this poisonous gas by the aliens...

Man in NASCAR jacket: She did meticulous work on this car- [pronounced "cahh"]
Woman: [interrupting] My God, you should see the car! [pronounced "cahh"]

Leap Year: February Days

2007-10-25T20:46:00.001-04:00

...find something random to do that's off topic.

It's not going to work. We're not doctors.

No, we're meeting at the college!

They had her on some sort of experimental medication. It detached the cartilage from her nose...

1st voice: Hey you! You with the hair!
[Silence.]
1st voice: Hey you with the hair!
2nd voice: [giggles] I know, right? That's a real good description. Everybody has hair!
1st voice: Hey Steven!

[teacher talking to himself] You're out of the loop, that's all.

[noise of disgust] I shoulda dumped it on her head!

...type in "meat" and turn to page 5. [Pause.] Hey, why's everybody [looking at me]?

I still can't believe you guys hid in my room, out of all places in my house.

All your blood goes to your stomach, which raises your blood pressure.

Days in February

2007-10-20T13:48:00.000-04:00

You're dumb but gifted.

You ask the dumbest questions alive.

Make sure it's hot, 'cause I can't eat nothin' cold.

I refuse to get braces. I already had all my teeth fall out.

I hate the smell of refridgerated food. It's like... ew, cold food!

Tventy Svens

2007-10-17T21:17:00.000-04:00

...after that random moment...

[girl reading note out loud] Who would you rather go out with: me, the guy behind you, me, or the guy behind me? P.S. Just asking.

I'm never going to ask that question again.

Yo, I had a dream that I didn't have no nails.

Twenty-Six Steakhouses

2007-10-12T17:17:00.000-04:00

Boy 1: I'm not going to put up with this tolerance!
Boy 2: Oh, yeah?
Boy 3: Wow. You're not going to put up with this tolerance, huh? That makes a lot of sense.
Boy 1: Shut up, I bet you can't even SPELL tolerance.

{later}

Boy 2: T-O-L-E-
Boy 1: I swear it has two Ls.
Boy 3: I swear you should be quiet.

{sometime later}

Boy 3: The last time I went to American Steakhouse was about three weeks ago.
Boy 1: Oh yeah, and there's Chuck's Steakhouse.
Boy 3: Chopsticks?
Boy 2: Shut up, [name].
Boy 4: Yeah, and there's that other steakhouse...
Boy 2: Yeah, what's it called?
Boy 1: Backyard Steakhouse?
Boy 2: It's OUTBACK steakhouse, you idiot! Not Backyard Steakhouse!
Boy 1: (embarrassed) Shut up!

{and later...}

Boy 3: There's like ten clubs in that bag, we should jump out and steal it!
Boy 2: Is that a lawnmower?
Boy 4: Maybe...
Boy 2: That's not a lawn mower!
Boy 3: That's an AWESOME lawn mower!

{even later still, during a lengthy discussion about Godzilla and whether or not he lays eggs...}

Boy 3: Why would Godzilla attack New York? He's a Chinese idol.

Thanks for the entertainment, Boys 1-4 (sorry we didn't catch everything you said, 4).

Five Times Five is 25

2007-10-08T20:10:00.000-04:00

[in math class]
''Hey look what my calculator does. When I press 169:2 it says ''13'' '
*confused*
''Well, maybe it is 13''

...I had 1 more to post but my brother came into the room and I forgot it ...
Oh, well:]

24 (not the show)

2007-10-04T13:10:00.000-04:00

I always miss stuff-

Girl 1: Are you coming to the party tonight?
Girl 2: (finishes laughing with another friend) I don't know- I have physical therapy.
Girl 1: Why?
Girl 2: (slightly annoyed) I'm depressed, can't you tell? (Goes back to laughing with friend).

Why would you laugh at a picture?

It smells like mothballs in here!... It smells like mothballs and ham!

I'm so sorry, I forgot the pudding!
Whatever.

(Credit to Lena for the second sound bite!)

23 (Not the movie with Jim Carrey)

2007-10-02T13:11:00.000-04:00

I voted you best smile if it makes you feel any better.

I kind of kicked it closer to where it was supposed to be.

I've never been there. I bought a free membership, but I've never been there.

He's so adorable!

...the biggest chin in the world!

I stole that girl's mirror. I feel special.

Twenty-Two

2007-09-28T16:04:00.000-04:00

Before we show you any more hilarious stuff we've overheard, I would just like to thank everybody for visiting. It's really exciting to get hits from all over the world, and people have left some really nice comments about the blog. Chances are, if I found it funny, you will too, so leave a comment and tell me what you thought was funny.

Well, enough of my yapping. On with the show! ~Maria

i wish i was cheese munchies. i want to see if people would go for me.

They know I'll protect them from the evil ducks of the universe.

[Italicized swear word] Richard Nixon!

Trix Yogurt exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point FISH exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point.

21 (BLACKJACK!)

2007-09-27T13:49:00.000-04:00

Ha... you smell like bacon.
Ha... you smell like cheese.

It's a boy... wearing pink... in the sunshine... and he's emo?!

Why'd you take my crackers?! You buggin'! There's like ten minutes left and you're gonna take my crackers? I stopped eating them when you told me to.
Put them away.
This is away- where the [heck] you want me to put them- in my bag where they're all gonna fall out?!

20/20 Vision

2007-09-22T17:01:00.000-04:00

Do you think this looks good?
That looks so flattering, I can't even begin to tell you!

You just have to watch what you're saying around her...
{Pause while person on the other end is talking}
She'll be nice in your face, but don't tell her something that you don't want everyone to know.

He's getting really creepy...
{Pause}
I just want to be friends with him. I don't want to be more than friends with any of those characters!

Girl: They were like the cutest shoes I had ever seen in my entire LIFE! But when I tried them on, they were like two sizes too small. And that was the only size they had!
Friend: *makes sympathetic moaning noises* Don't you hate when they have the wrong sizes?
Girl: Yeah, it's so hard to find things sometimes!

Peppy Girl 1: Guess what happened to me this morning?
Peppy Girl 2: What?
PG1: I tripped down the staircase!
PG2: (runs over to hug PG1) I'm so proud of you!

Boy in Math Class: *hits head on TV* OW! Someone should really turn that off.

Woman, to friend: I almost got into a fight with someone in the parking lot!
Passerby, muttering under their breath: Good for you.

I was in a game and I got in trouble for not putting in my mouthguard. I got yelled at.
Who yelled at you?
The lady!
*blank stare*
You know, the lady in the yellow shirt.
The ref?
Oh yeah, the ref!

Aah, I see a victory!

You took my "Happy Wednesday" paper!

Teacher: [Girl's name]. Stop. That's disgusting.
Girl: But we're talking about toes!
Teacher: You have a foot fetish.
Girl: [Boy name] has a foot fetish.
Girl 2: I love feet...

Next year {for Halloween}, I'm gonna be something from Greek mythology.

But we always party on Fridays!

He has the same facial expression every time I see him.

Old school Power Rangers! Now THAT'S the {stuff} right there!
Yeah, none of this new {stuff}!

Yes, I was born in {area of China}, and my son was born here.
*shocked* Mom, I thought you said I was born in New Jersey!

Do you do restaurants?
No, I'll do a movie or a play, but I don't eat. When I eat a lot, I want to go to sleep. And we all have reputations to maintain!

Sour cream is sogood!
(Yes, dear reader, I intened for that to be one word.)

But I don't WAnna die!
(Note: When reading this out loud, you must make your voice high, squeaky, and cracked on the word wanna.)

I lived in the same apartment building as John Lennon and Yoko Ono, for the same amount of years, by the way, and I was fortunate enough to share a wall with John Lennon. One of the walls in my apartment was the back wall of his music studio, and I used to hear this: *opening chords of "Imagine"*

19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19

2007-09-17T19:11:00.000-04:00

Why are they building so many banks around here? It's not like anyone has any more money.

...and I hid behind his desk and jumped out and I said "they're after my gnome!"

Get out of my hallway!
It's not your hallway.
This is my hallway, you're just passing through.

She said you could do it that way, and yet-

It's not polite to punch or hit your guests.

Eighteen is not spelled Eightteen.

2007-09-12T20:15:00.000-04:00

It's easier if you know your colors!

...that yo-yo I stole?

Hey Austin, [NAME] might switch into our Australian class.
Note: This one struck me as funny because I didn't even know our high school had an Australian class. Weird. -Maria

[Girl 1] She acts like Batman at practice.
[Girl 2] Really?
[Girl 1] Yeah, she does this. (Stretches out arms)

...Jessica, over there by the Snapple machine.
Wait, what? Jesus? Did you say Jesus?
[laughter]
Oh yeah, sure. "I saw Jesus." "Where?" "By the Snapple machine."
...Jesus loves Snapple.

Seventeen is a magazine...

2007-09-09T20:24:00.000-04:00

...it was a loofah dog...

Welcome to the (Festival)!
How dare you attack me!

I think if I have to say one more time that this jewelery is made out of wood I'm going to-

Seize (the French number 16, people!)

2007-09-01T11:54:00.000-04:00

Did you have Mrs. [name deleted]? I'm supposed to go up to random people and ask what they thought of her (for homework).
She's the best teacher in the school. Like, when people do bad in her class, they come back and apologize.
Wow.
Yeah, it's that kind of class. She's literally like the best teacher in the school. {more of conversation, to the effect of "she's really nice"} If you fail her class, you're a loser.
{Sometime later} I'm just in band for the competitions.
Oh, so you like beating people?
(nodding) Basically.

[Random Boy at Back of School Bus] Party at my house on Tuesday!
[Bus Driver] Party on Tuesday?
[Boy]: Everybody parties on Tuesday!

[boy 1] I had a dream about you last night.
[boy 2] Ew, why did you have a dream about him?
[teacher] Why don't you draw me a picture of it?
{Later into study hall}
[boy 1] Mr. [name deleted], I drew the picture.
{General laughing, sighing, groaning, etc.}
[boy 1] I'm the one with the muscles, and you're the one with the bald head.
[teacher] Why are you wearing a skirt?
[boy 2 and company] AH HA HA HA HA HA!
[boy 1] No, it's SHORTS! I just messed up-
[teacher] Oh, it's a skort.

It appears that whatever we wish for will come true!

Spanish Sweet Fifteen

2007-08-29T18:02:00.000-04:00

"I love them because I give them as Christmas presents to my family."
(My Spanish teacher discussing cell phone/iPod confiscation.)

Quattordechi!

2007-08-26T21:06:00.000-04:00

Her name is Sushi Mango.
Why would you name a cat Sushi Mango?
Where did you get it?
I got it at Wal-Mart, I just had to get it.

All my life I've eaten the frosting last, and look- I'm still doing it! [Pause.] This is really good cake!
I know, it is!
Yeah, it's really good cake! Where did they get it?

You know what the great thing about this one is? You can see what's inside of it. But the black one looks cool. It's your choice.

Kate! Kate! Come here! Kate? Kate!

His name is now Rabbit.
Why is he Rabbit? I don't get it.
Well, he kind of looks like a rabbit.
Oh yeah, he kind of does!
Also, when Dave tried to hand him a piece of paper, he tried to hold it in his mouth.
One nickname down, a hundred to go.

Lucky thirteen!

2007-08-23T21:23:00.000-04:00

she: We could go in the pool.
he: Yeah, but I'll have to change up first. I have my boxers on under these.

mom to kid: If you don't eat your bagel, you can't have any tofu.

1+2=12 (but 2+2=FISH)

2007-08-19T16:22:00.000-04:00

You have lizards?! Oh my god, I always wanted lizards but my mom...

[Stranger, to Random Lady] That was really fun!
[Me, adding my two cents] This is my favorite ride in the whole park!
[Random Lady] Really?

[harried-looking dad]Well, what do you want to do? It's your birthday.
[preteen birthday girl]*nasal whine* I don't keeyare!

My lord, it's like the size of a tarmac!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!!!!
Wooooooooooooohoooooooooooooo!!!!
AAAAAAAHHHH!!
Whoa!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!
Hahahahaha...

Hey, there's another bathroom at the bottom of this hill, if you don't want to wait in line.
Oh, there is?
Yeah, follow me.

Mean yet funny guy at the supermarket [Hanyo}

2007-08-14T14:45:00.001-04:00

"This is an A and B conversation, C your way out."

"You have a big head."

"I'm proud of your mom. if i lived with you i would put you up for adoption."

"if i was your mom i would have dropped you."

over heard at a dunkin donuts counter!

Dieci!

2007-08-11T15:36:00.001-04:00

Alexander should come with me. Hey, Alexander! Come here!

Why do we have to go to Willie's?
(sorry if we spelled your name wrong, Willie.)

*splash* Ew, look, this water is dirty! It has, like, fish poop in it!
Ew! Spiders in the water!!!
EW!!! SPIDERS!!!
For the record, they were water bugs, not spiders. And those boys should have realized that when you go ANYwhere near them, the bugs go away. Sissies... :D

Luke, you suck! You're like the worst basketball player I've ever seen!
*chanting in the background* Digdigdigdigdigdigdigdig!!!

Did you get the jackpot?
No, she did.
*words to the effect of "I've never gotten the jackpot before!*

We heard a LOT of funny sound bites on our vacation, but my personal number 1 most favorite is the following:

DRAG QUEEN: *beeps* I can't stop now! *zoom of a Vespa*

(Pause.)

RANDOM TOURIST LADY: I almost got hit by a drag queen!

I thought that would be a good bumper sticker: I got hit by a drag queen on a Vespa in P-town, Mass.

Number Nine John Lennon's voice echoes...

2007-08-11T14:36:00.000-04:00

Angelface...[NAME]... looked like a munchkin!
[Laughter]

[Beep beep] WAKE UP!

*British accent* It makes a delicious mixture.
*American accent* Wait, where's the chocolate?
*British accent* Oh, it's already mixed in.

I heard the first one walking into a CVS, the second one while waiting at a red light, and the third one at a really good cafe.

OCHO!

2007-08-10T07:15:00.000-04:00

"Are You going to charge me or let me pass the magic rainbow village?"

heard this one in a parking lot in canada.

Number Seven

2007-08-02T19:48:00.000-04:00

My mom and Savannah's mom are like the exact same person.

Does it look like blood?
Well, if it doesn't look like it, you could just pretend that it does.
Are we using your credit card?

Number Six

2007-07-30T20:34:00.001-04:00

Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said: "one can't believe impossible things."

"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

Oh, I think I can see my house from up here.

Now, with the truth of his past revealed to him, Thor must struggle with not only his destiny, but also his detention.

What do you think this is, wood shop?

Number Five

2007-07-29T10:54:00.000-04:00

McCain, we have so many things the same
I walk with a cane, you have cain in your name.

If you have superpowers, why are you taking the elevator?
My superpowers only come out at night.
Oh, really?
Yeah, They're nocturnal.

Yeah, we're twins.
What kind?
Well, we could either be identical or nocturnal.

Number Four

2007-07-29T10:35:00.000-04:00

{Orange light from a digital camera is seen on a girl's arm before a photo is taken.]

"OhMyGod! OhMyGod! I'm going to die! SOMEONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!" [Screams and runs a few feet away behind a tree]

[walks over to the tree] "What are you talking about?!!?"

" I was almost killed by a orange laser!!!!!! I saw my life flash before my eyes!"

[Laughter]
"That was the camera. It means the flash was on and it detects a person."

"Oh." [goes and hits camera person]
"You scared the sugar crispies out of me!"

[Laughter] "Sorry 'bout that."

Number Three

2007-07-28T21:26:00.001-04:00

"I don't think the Wicked Witch of the West rode a Harley Davidson!" [Laughter]

Number Two

2007-07-26T11:25:00.000-04:00

Oh my god what’s wrong with you?!
Exorcism no comments yet
What?
I have this weird friend who posts stuff on her blog.
Yeah this is the exactly the kind of stuff I’m looking for!
[laughter]
It’s a dream it’s about this cat who like wants to commit suicide or something and like… it’s like the exorcism, and she’s like “I hope I never go to sleep sad again” it’s like wicked weird!

I was going to print it out yesterday but we had that, like… duff come
Yeah. Each breath I take… I think you want to say “feels”
Oh, what did I…?
“Feel”

He looks like a Chia pet!
[laughter]
It's true!

Number One

2007-07-26T11:23:00.001-04:00

Just so you know, the first sound bite is a fictionalized account of something that allegedly happened. The rest is pretty much directly what happened. -Maria

Sound Bites

He examined me through the Froot Loop, his left eye squinting slightly as he watched with his right, yakking about putting gasoline in a boat the whole time. I didn’t, like, really get it or whatever, and it was totally weird that he was using the Froot Loop as a telescope, I mean, wtf is that all about? I don’t have a freakin’ boat, so I don’t need to freakin’ know how to freakin’ change freakin’ gasoline in a freakin’ boat!

Basically, I post everything "it" -- fashion, makeup, beauty, clothes, stores, books, celebrity gossip, TV, music ... etc. I am proud to have a mindless pop culture blog -- no haters please!

“Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye!” I wish they would pipe down a bit, as they are trying my patience. Why do they find the need to foul the air with their off-key voices?

Aw… that sounds like a Disney movie!

That’s scary but I think that at the end you should reveal what you are talking about… just a thought. :)

This time around you/ Hit a goose on the butt/ And made a par

Hehe, nice imagery. But the poor goose! :) Lol!

“How to Hug a Baby? What’s that?”
“Oh, it’s funny.”
“Squirrel Management Technique?”
“Oh, this is really funny.”

dont take it the wrong way i dont cut myself or anything i just really like the metaphor

“’Star Wars Galaxies- Chapter 6: Masters of the Wild’?”
“I don’t even know why I have that.”
“Aww, that’s a cute one. I hope they know their dog is mauling their child.”
“It’s hugging the baby, obviously!”

“Any time you have more questions, feel free to ask.”
“Okay, I’ll do that.”

“No, you’re not getting the picture one now that I finally got one!” [laughter]
“Omigod, what the heck?”
“Hi, Mackenzie.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Are you even doing anything?”
“Not really…”
“Mackensie?”
“Well, I don’t know how to spell her name!”
“We go together… wait, what?”
“I’m like so bored.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, headphones off, clean the peanut butter out of your ears, eyes up here.”

“Wow, that’s funny.”
I know… :)

“No, Parker, why do you want that? They cost like fifteen dollars!”